lifeislikethat

Out Patient Department

2011-06-04T12:02:00.000+05:30

So here we go again. I've clicked on the new post tab millions of times in the past, not knowing what to write. But today I know what to write. And that comes after paying a flying visit to a few inspirational blogs. And a hospital.

I hate hospitals. They are depressing places. People hope to get back healthier, less wealthier and none the wiser. But it does teach you a few lessons:

1. Don't take anyone or anything for granted.

My paatima has been with me since I was a minute old. I am on the wrong side of the 20s and she is about 60 years older. She is always there when I get back home from wherever. It feels like home only when I see her. Yet, sometimes, I and the rest of my family--knowingly or unknowingly--have ignored her existence.

Until she had 8 large stones in her gall bladder. She had jaundice, UTI and all of life's complications. But she got past them all. And we got past them all too.

2. Money isn't everything. But sometimes it is.

The Doc said, "We need to mover her to the ICU. Your costs will shoot up like anything." Nothing moves without showing the greenbacks. Hospitals and the medical profession, like everything else, is a business. And profit is the bottom line. Somehow, unfairly, we expect docs to just do their jobs and not expect anything in return. But the doc we had was the best that come. He was honest and seemed like he knew what he was doing. And he did know. When I looked at the bill, which had put a price against oxygen (nebulizer) I realized, even breathing doesn't come free.

3. You've got to fight. For what you feel is right.

For hospitals, every patient is just another broken piece that needs fixing. Your time is of no consequence. There is absolutely no mercy for inefficient people who think they are doing a favor but forget we are paying them to do their jobs. On the day of discharge, billing took three hours and the junior doc came at EOD to give patient summary, That should have happened at 1 o clock when discharge orders were given. I waited for two hours, lost patience, gave them a piece of my mind and it all happened in half an hour. Just because they are the hospital, they don't have they have no authority to announce my time of death.

4. Family Counts. And your loved one.

You might be of no use but when everyone is together it makes a world of difference. I realized that the pain and the burden reduces to a dot. When family and extended family forget their feuds and stand together, even the silence, helps. And to have a loved one caring for you, it seems like everything will be alright. I never acknowledged it as much before.

5. Small pleasures are big.

Every small improvement in paatima's reports was equal to getting an unexpected hike (which I actually did). The laughs and joys we share in times of crisis stay for the rest of our lives. Cos they are so rare that you cherish them.

Hospitals are depressing places but everybody--including the patient--who steps out of the OPD is never the same again.

Not a Penny More

2011-03-02T14:03:00.000+05:30

The guy came rolling our LPG in and thumped the bill in my hands. He was short, a little stout with a thick moustache, and doubly arrogant. I said aloud, " 360". He said "375". I was a little confused now. I looked at the bill in every angle possible, upside down, the behind, the front, up, down, everywhere. But there was no sign of the mighty 375.

I said, "The bill says Rs 360.55. Where is the 15 Rs you are talking about?" (Did they just attach VAT for cooking gas in the budget?) What was I missing?

The guy by now was getting irritated with me, he said, "Bill is 360, my money is 375." It was my turn to get miffed. "Doesn't the agency pay you? I am gonna give you 360 and nothing more. You came in your gas van, used the lift to haul yourself up. And there are wheels under our LPG holder. Nothing was any cause of inconvenience," I said, with all the control I could muster.

He got irritated again. "Its delivery charges."

"Says who? The bill doesn't say delivery charges: Rs 15."

He laughed, probably the first time in a million years. "Madam, 375 beku."

I walked to my room, got my wallet out. No cash. I checked my jeans I had 400 and some change. Gave him Rs 360.55, signed the bill. He was really miffed.

I said,"I am not giving you anything more. Please leave."

And he did.

This happened just twenty minutes back and I am so angry that I am shaking. When I told my dad he wanted extra, he said, "Don't fight with these people, what if they don't come? Thats' how its done, give them the money and be done with it."

Why? Isn't that corruption?

I refuse to pay. I refuse to pay auto guys one penny more than the meter and all my friends know that. They, and now B, say, "Its ok, lets go, otherwise they wont come. I'll pay the extra.."

Why? Isn't that corruption?

The point is, we are scared. Scared that we wont get an auto, we wont get a gas connection, we wont get admission, we wont get our passports, we wont get a phone connection, we wont get this, we wont get that. If we don't give, we wont get.

That's how it is. This is how the system works. Really? Who made the system?

So what do we do? Don't go down without a fight. Simple.

If you think it isn't, consider this: The people of Egypt ousted 30 years of terror in two weeks. For them, Mubarak has been around forever. They could have said, "It's all over the Middle East. This is how the system is, there's nothing you can do about it."

But they didn't. Because they decided to fight.

Giving the money is the easy way out. Of course, it happens everywhere. But that doesn't make it right. We need an Egypt against the auto guy, the gas fellow, Raja, petrol prices, food prices, inflation, government and everything that's wrong.

I just mailed Lok Ayukta. I am not giving a penny more.

I am Outdated

2011-02-27T09:47:00.000+05:30

I don't like change. Yeah, I know it's the only thing constant and all that. I still don't like it. And I have changed this first line almost three times already! The contradiction that I am.

That's what happens when you become a visitor to your own blog (or you forget that you are a writer first and then an editor). This space was getting rusted like my template. I was getting outdated.

Speaking of changes, blogspot has a lot of cool new things, new for me atleast. But so much hasn't changed. Not on blogspot, in me. Take this post for example, it still isn't going anywhere!

I was thinking about nonsense yesterday and I figured that my resistance to change has made me someone stuck in the medieval era. My perspective about a world of things is still stuck in history. So are my likes and the undesirables.

Take cricket for example. (for timeliness sake, this). I used to be crazy about the game. A loyalist to the levels of fanaticism. But after Dravid and Ganguly exited and a new line cropped up, I lost interest. Appa watched India win the '83 World Cup. It's 2011 and he is still a follower.

I just cant watch the game anymore. The IPL ruined it for me. I still don't like the idea of players on auction, like talent on sale! Who the hell thinks like that?

So, I am not interested in the world cup. So much for fanaticism and loyalty.

Nonsense thought number 2 came to me when I was looking at the calendar and wondering how useless my writers at work are. They are all young and have absolutely no respect for deadlines. Or us. They do have a lot of time to log on to Facebook and change their profile pic.

And that really really gets me. I am sorry, but there is a difference between office and a cyber cafe. I fail to understand how you can chat merrily and watch deadlines fly past.

I know everyone is on Facebook, (my mother is the queen of online and if social media was a revolution, she would be it's Gandhi)

I know social media is a big deal, I know it's addictive. And I seriously believe that it should be banned at the workplace.

And I know I am not even on Facebook. Why? I like e-mail more. I mail to keep in touch.

See? Who the hell thinks like that?

I need treatment. Do you think?

Of 5 Ws and The H

2009-03-27T19:02:00.000+05:30

"Virtualization?" I said.

The auto guy looked at me and blinked. He had every reason to faint, but this one belonged to Bangalore, nothing can ever shake them.

Not even my tech jargon. Reading a story late at night, I was all ready to edit it and give it a cool headline and stuff, basically I was just doing my job, but I was way too involved that when I went down looking for an auto, I told the guy to take me to 'Virtualization' and not Richmond Circle -- my 'real' destination.

Work, sometimes can get to you.

And other things like backache! My back is just killing me, which is another reason why I couldn't get my ass down here to post. My apologies.

I've been watching a lot of news these days, yes I know, its my job and I should be in-the-know.. and I also found how interested I was to know. Which I think is a great thing because it just makes our lives so interesting and because there are so many interestingly weird people out there, making a fool of themselves. Its a relief to know that I am not alone.

With the elections frenzy catching up, and jaago re campaigns doing the rounds, and everybody standing for elections from Mallika Sarabhai to Capt. Gopinath, this is gonna be fun.

And its also wonderful to see people wanting to get rid of the bullshit around them. I want to too.

But I am confused. I wanna vote, but not for Congress, nor for the BJP. Somewhere in me I wanna vote for Capt. Gopinath. He contested the Lok Sabha elections in '94 on a BJP ticket and lost. Now he is standing as an independent. I wanna vote for him.

And I think there are a few people like me, especially first-time voters, who are as confused as I am. We wanna vote, we want change, but its so important to select the right guy. How do we know when you don't trust anyone? By giving them a chance maybe?

I was watching an NDTV show the other day, it had Sachin Pilot who was eye-candy, of course, and very articulate. I liked the way he answered questions from the audience. He was quite confident of all that he said, the uncomfortable bit too. He is Congress! Why cant we make him the Prime Minister?

Are we narrow minded in judging people by the party they belong to and not as individuals? Because they carry their party's ideology?

And what about the majority of the 'janta' that lives below the poverty line? Shouldnt the Jaago Re campaign go rural? And what about those who live in skyscrapers, blissfully unaware of ground realities? Well, the Taj attacks should have woken them up. Hopefully.

I really dont know what I am so angry about! Politics, people or just me. I think I am just another confused, frustrated, angry Indian. But someone who wants to vote.

And someone who's glad to be on the other side -- asking questions.

Sometimes, way too many... maybe I should go back to virtualization.

So where was I?

Watch This Space

2009-03-11T21:58:00.000+05:30

Every day. Everyday I would think I have to write, I tell myself life is so interesting, I should talk about it.

And thats all I do -- just talk to myself about it. When I used to be a 'frequent' blogger or should I say 'avid', words would just pour out of nowhere, like there was a part of me just made to write.

Tap, tap, tap on the keyboard, distinguished letters strung together making a meaningful sentence. I would read my old posts and smile. because that was me.

Now, when I go back in time, I feel like those stories were written by someone else. Like these were experiences weirdly mine, but not really. And I am dying to go back to the person I knew.

Have I changed? I don't know. I still want to tell a story, share an experience, write about stuff that makes sense, and more importantly, stuff that doesn't.

I WANT TO WRITE.

And I want to write well. Its something I've always enjoyed. I am so stupid to let go of it. I just stopped caring about something I love so much. Something that's second to none.

I WILL WRITE.

At least, one post every week. Yes, I will.

Like the ads in my magazine say: Watch this space! ;)

Few More Pages Left

2008-10-13T20:49:00.000+05:30

Its weird. I have been wanting to write for so long, I know this is my oft-repeated phrase in almost every post, but this time it's not because of a lack of ideas for a great lead, but because this is weird.

What provoked me to write was not the usual bad mood or the unusual happiness. It was something I thought I had lost touch with. And once I lose touch I don't go back to it. Good or bad, thats me. This is quite surprising.

Now that I am hoping you want to know what it is that I am yapping about, I somehow seem to have lost track of what I actually wanted to begin with. I digress..(this is what happens when you don't blog and read your old posts and wonder if you actually wrote them).

Cricket. I want to talk cricket. I was flipping through the pages of The Week, getting stuck at the US presidential debate, wondering whether I wanted McCain or Obama and then when the author said Hillary is a great debator, I told myself I was never one.

Then I struggled past Kamal Nath's interview and then two pages of Godhra and the Nanavati report. And finally I came to the cover story: Kangaroo Catcher -- Sachin has a target, so do the Aussies. I know I could have directly gone to the cover story if I so wanted to read it, but I wanted to build the excitement for myself.

I read and I read and I read some more. I am not one of Sachin's greatest fans. Everyone loves him and thats one reason I don't. I admire him, I respect his talent, he is great no doubt, but while I was reading the article, one thought that crossed my mind was that I have read the same thing about him several times over. SEVERAL TIMES OVER. So much so that these reports are as predictable as a wrong umpiring decision!

Such is his greatness and what he has given to the game. The report had one full para on Dravid and what is expected of him. No I am not gonna talk about him. I want to talk about someone who will be covered 'exclusively' on every news channel, in every newspaper for the next few days, weeks and months.

About someone who I have rarely spoken about but I greatly adore. Saurav Ganguly.

And because I am part of the media, I will talk about him on my post. More importantly, cos he pushed me to write.

He is retiring. And so am I. Cricket without him is like Billy Bowden without his weirdness. (I know I am trying too hard) And now I cant write anymore.

Saurav is going and I will miss him. Period.

The off-side is never gonna be the same.

Fewer run-outs are depressing.

That dynamism and energy on the field, that magnetic effect that makes you want to want more of him: I wish.

The aggression that made a so-called timid Indian team realize its potential.

His stance: his stylish stance. Two legs, slightly outside the crease, and the bat comes down. He doesn't defend.

The attacker that gave birth to the killer instinct.

Shall be missed..

Few more pages left to be read..........

In Italics

2008-06-14T15:19:00.000+05:30

I put down my book, look at it once more cos I always feel like it is asking me to spend some more time with it. My eyes roll and rest on the pillow next to me. I let myself be led to sleep.

As my head finds solace in the comfort of the pillow, I drift. I can hear the soft sound of the rain outside, a slight drizzle and then a little, slender downpour — like the sound of a pressure cooker, just before it whistles.

I can hear the noise down below, cars honking, autos accelerating, fueled by curses of another victim of inflation. My ears strain to listen to a song from the comp in the adjoining room, I satisfy myself with just the faint murmur of the drums.

And then I let my dream take over. It takes me back in time. Sometimes I feel, I dream just what I want to dream, like its a conscious process, like I am taking myself back to that happy place, to nice beginnings, to that space within me where I truly want to be. To a place that gives me joy.

And to a place where its just you and me and no one else. There is silence and an unsettling din, all too calm and yet chaotic, all too static and yet somehow, the world is in motion. Yes, its just You and Me.

I feel like I am walking with you, holding hands on your favorite lane, brimming with trees, beautiful darkness, broken by golden glints from the streetlights and that soothing breeze that whispers softly, but lucidly, that you belong to me. I smile.

I smile at what I feel for you, content with the fact that you feel the same for me, so what if we don't get to talk, so what if we don't get to express and, really, so what if we, sometimes bow down to circumstances — as long as we don't let the feeling die a natural death, in the process.

I wake up, half-dreaming, half sensing reality, half-wanting to go back to sleep, but in entirety wanting to be with you.

And I float in the happiness, of what I become when I am with you.

Its weird how a dream can make you forget the insecurity, the need for reassurance, the fact that one day we would stop feeling, the fact that you might not belong to me. An entire existence in that one moment.

And then, I wonder how it will be without you.

Will I have the faith to dream again?

As unsure as the 'I' in 'Italics.'

World's Most Boring Post

2008-05-04T18:45:00.000+05:30

New Post. Blank page. Cursor blinking, waiting to transform into meaningful words. Something that seems to have become increasingly difficult. Nevertheless...
.................

I was watching An Inconvenient Truth last weekend. It shocked me. Global warming seemed like just another hot topic for people to discuss when they had nothing much to talk about. It became a part of those intellectual-pretentious conversations when the speaker and the listener both pretend to care. I was one of the skeptics. The documentary, which I consider one of the best, shocks the living day lights out of you. Makes you really think and that I think are signs of a brilliant documentary. We really aren't doing enough. It's definitely more than just a problem. Climate variations, weird weather transitions--cant blame western disturbance anymore. Has Bangalore ever been so hot? If we wait for the globe to wake up to rising mercury, we need to first switch off the lights in our part of the world. Like they say: 'Charity begins at home'!

..................

I have been working like a donkey. People tell me I am married to work. And that means I have the world's most boring husband! Not that my work sucks, I love it, just that I seem to have no life beyond it. I wish I had. The problem is, I think I have, but I am not doing much to go out there and explore possibilities. I do need a break.

..................

Cricket season. I am totally out of the 'league'. I used to love the game, I was what they call a 'freak'! But this whole IPL thing isn't as exciting as its being made out. I tried watching a couple of matches, dint appeal to me at all. I somehow felt like its too commercial and that it has taken the beauty away from the game. People owning teams and players on auction--sounds more like a bid-to-win reality show. Not working for me!

...................

Priyanka Gandhi met her father's killer, Nalini. Or did she? Does it really matter? Is that something worth debating? I am not sure. But I was thinking about all those kids who have seen their parents blowing up in Kashmir, or parents of children who lost their lives in the Upahaar tragedy, or those faceless killers that force farmers to literally go to hell. Priyanka Gandhi meeting her dad's killer is a big deal? Me thinks not.

....................

I am using my credit card like no man's business. I actually don't know what to do with my salary, so I spend on anyone and everyone who wants something! Yeah right, like I am Richie Rich.

.....................

And right now, I wish I really had something to write about, cos this post is boring the shit outta me.

.....................

Weekends are tiring. I prefer going to work. Well, I have my reasons for that! But then, there's just so much time that I wish I could travel. I wanna go to Hampi and Coorg. I wanna go to Yercaud. And I really don't mind going alone!!!! Simply cos, I don't know who would wanna come with me!

.....................

I am reading this book called the Red Tent by Anita Diamant. Beautifully written. A story of betrayal and trials of women of a time many eras ago. (don't know if this sentence is grammatically correct, but love these words ;) ) Gives a lot of room for vivid imagination. Definitely a page-turner.

......................

I am also dealing with emotions that cant be a part of this world wide web. Before I give in to the urge of spilling the beans here, I shall shut up.

....................

I am sorry that I am so boring.

But...

Wanna travel with yours truly??

Its Only Words, And Words That I Dont Have

2008-04-01T20:42:00.000+05:30

.... and ..... and some more ....!

I cant write. I am not able to string two words together, I am not able to make a sentence that's cool, that can make the reader go 'wow', that can make some sense, if nothing else. I am so disappointed in me. And therefore, I decided to let the world wide web know. Know that I CANT WRITE.

Not one idea, not a single idea. Was it the story or was it me? I thought and thought. Irrespective of the time of the day, irrespective of company, irrespective of the environment (yuck! environment?? See what I mean?) I only kept thinking, but no, goddess or god or whatever of creativity completely ditched me. I was sure I am gonna be thrown outta work. I wanted to go jump down the tenth floor! (even going to the loo, dint work!)

I actually gave up, well, not jumping, I really wasn't serious about that. I gave up on me. I gave up on the only thing I think I can do. WRITE.

And then I felt like shit. I cried. I know, its kinda whatever to cry. (did i just say whatever?) I pushed the story to my so-called immediate boss. And honestly, I dint wanna ever read it again. But I did, not once, but twice. What he made outta it was atleast readable.

I hate this sulky wordless post. But I had to get my writelessness out of my system. And the best way to do that was to WRITE!!

I dont believe creativity was on a holiday, somehow sounds more like an excuse. I dint try and thats that. Next time, no giving up, I guess. Cos trust me, it feels like, I dont know what it feels like. Actually I cant get the appropriate word... Damn! there I go again...

I want to suffer from verbal diarrhea.

Cluttered Output

2008-01-13T21:56:00.000+05:30

Its been quite a while since I blogged. My last post was a month back, technically, last year! I was wondering what to write. I didn't what to do the usual year-end post, cos the year that was, was very very eventful and I wouldn't be doing justice if i were to write about just all that. And this is the worst opening ever!

I was just watching 'we the people' on Ndtv. The discussion circled around the impact blogs are creating in the world and in India as a nation. It was interesting, but there was nothing new. It was not informative in any sense of the word. It kept coming back to sex, being gay, and all those things. One of the panelists actually said "well there are some 'good' blogs as well"..so did she mean sex is bad? Hypocrisy is THE word.

I digress. its been a weird beginning, 2008 seems not so different from 2007. Not yet. I know it just started and stuff, but still.. Damn I sound like such a boring person, maybe I am turning into one. But I am surely turning into an A grade Bitch. I am fighting weird emotions, I am fighting me, I am fighting people. Basically, just not all that great. Why am I saying all this here? Cos I felt guilty about not blogging, about not writing, about not keeping in touch with a very close friend, about getting too close to someone else, about giving in to unwanted thoughts, about just not thinking clearly, about neglecting a lot of things, about being pissed with myself and the world too often.

Not over yet. About expecting too much. I watched Taare Zameen Par. I wont say it was great. It said a lot, it was different, it was moving. But, it was also dragging and too much effort was put in to make it off-beat, and it showed. Aamir Khan is a perfectionist, yes. But he is too much of himself in the second half. Darshan was pretty good, a natural actor. But again, it was a good movie, not great. The subject was worth exploring, though I felt a lot could be done.

I still don't understand men. At all. They all seem the same, but each so distinctly similar! what the hell.. I am also guilty of letting them affect me too much. I will NEVER learn.

I still don't understand if editorial is more important or marketing. is it ok to compromise for the sake of design? Why does the boss always decide how to 'cover' up the 'issue'? Cos thats why he is the BOSS?

I still don't understand how relationships work. Is being single more boring than being committed? Is it ok to flirt around? And then get emotional about it....?

I still don't understand why I listen to the same song a million times and then detest it cos i have heard it a million times..Or am I just really really weird?

I still don't understand why people talk to me and why I talk to them, why cant everyone talk to everyone else?

I still don't understand why I post something as stupid as this...

Anyway, not that my opinion will change the world, not that it is important but somewhere it has to be voiced! ;)

My journo Prof. always told me "a cluttered mind leads to cluttered output!"

Therefore... Pardon Me.

Something About Nothing

2007-12-06T21:21:00.000+05:30

Someone asked me the other day, Tom Cruise or Matt Damon? I was submerged in Bourne Ultimatum so Matt Damon, I said.

Someone asked me, Vodka or Tequila,Vodka meant malaysia and madness, so vodka, I said.

Someone asked me, Rahul Dravid or Roger Federer, Rahul lives in my backyard, so Federer I said.

Someone asked me, apple or orange, someone else likes apples too much, Orange, I said.

Someone asked me, workshop or just work, workshop is hours of lecture, no head or tail, just mutually understandable yawns, so just work, I said.

Someone asked me, football or cricket, football is just 90 minutes of red cards and yellow, so Cricket, I said.

Someone asked me, office or college, Office is just work, work, work gossip and fun, so College, I said.

Someone asked me, tech writing or sports journalism, I cant write for long about stuff I really don't understand, so Sports journalism, I said.

Someone asked me, sunrise or sunset, sunrise is beginning of a new day, so sunset, I said.

Someone asked me, harry Potter or a thousand splendid suns, harry potter is brilliantly fantastic, so a thousand splendid suns, I said.

Someone asked me, late night dance party or a long walk, two left feet, so long walk, I said.

Someone asked me, facebook or orkut, gmail I said.

Someone asked me, Tiramisu or Dairy Milk, Tiramisu is yum, so Dairy Milk, I said.

Someone asked me, mail or msg, virtual is not real, so Talk, I said.

Someone asked me, boy friend or just friends, boy friend is not happening for whatever reason, so just friends, I said.

Someone asked me, single or committed, everyone is either single or committed, so OR, I said.

Someone asked me, something or nothing, I said well, nothing in particular, but I wish I could say something.

Truly Asia!

2007-12-02T11:29:00.000+05:30

I know I know, I have been Malaysiaing to everyone ever since I came back from a four day conference from Kuala Lumpur. But I have only Malaysia to blame.

I was really neither keen nor excited about it. I actually dint wanna go. I was going through the-please-leave-me-alone phase. But that was not to be. Malaysia changed a lot of things for me.

So, the first day we land in KL and then take a two-hour bus ride to Genting Highlands which is 4500 mtrs above sea level. The roads all seemed not very different from bangalore, except that they were wider and cleaner. Cars and bikes would catch your eye for an instant. if you notice that is. We reach Genting and get on to a cable car which would take us to the First World Hotel (third world people in first world hotel hehe) It is supposed to be the fourth largest in the world with more than 6000 odd rooms. It was Massive! And people who are geographically challenged like me are advised not to venture alone.

The cable car was taking us deeper and deeper into the clouds, the green below was merging with the white above, at one point of time all we could see was mist! Pure white mist..Its so weird, we cant see when its pitch black and we cant see when its pure white...Naked truth of sorts!!

The ride over, the excitement, hardly. We are assigned rooms and told to assemble for lunch. we do as directed. I was hungry as hell. the minute we stepped into the buffet, our sensory organs started working overtime. There was food everywhere. P introduced me to this delicacy called 'Satay', its nothing but chicken on a stick, to be very very basic, doused in peanut sauce. YUMMMY...after I allowed it in, there was nothing else I wanted. It was heaven served on a stick!!!!

Post two days at Genting and a lot of work, we move to KL. Two hour drive again..We catch the glimpse of the Petronas! Beautiful..Read in papers, seen on TV, never thought I would be standing under it one day. Life!

KL has an amazing night life. I made full use of the anonymity the city gave me. Went clubbing for three nights, got sloshed, danced on the table, forgot the world..Just what I needed..

More than the prima facie experience, Malaysia taught me much more than anything else ever could. it made me question commitment in a relationship, it made me think about how true a person can be to himself and to someone waiting back home. How drunk can you get to forget or make the inebriated state an excuse to forget and give in to temptations? How can not being in control of yourself, give you freedom? What freedom?

How far would you go with a guy ( a guy you really are attracted to) who is already in a relationship? Is it just about the opportunity? The opportunity of him being available for that instant..I dont know.. I dont know whats right and wrong..do you?

Anyway, perceptions are different. Malaysia was an experience of a lifetime. On the flight bac, I brought with me a lot of memories and a few lessons learnt.

The biggest being "The most predictable thing about life is its unpredictability"....

Nothing is as true as that...

Nothing is as true as Truly Asia!

Picture Abhi Baaki Hai Mere Dost....

2007-11-18T09:23:00.000+05:30

What happens when you go with an intention of watching 'Jab We Met', buy tickets for 'Saawariya' but end up watching 'Om Shanti Om'? You come back with a smile on your face.

OSO, as they call it, was not a movie I was dying to watch ever since I saw the promos. I thought Shah Rukh Khan looked too old with his six packs, Deepika looked too pretty, the set looked too made up and everyone seemed like they were trying too hard. I could not connect with anything. I read the review, like i always do, but I have never taken any review seriously, i have to watch the movie myself to say anything about it. And so i did!

I am not a Shah Rukh Khan fan. But he is a people's actor, he gives them what they want and he works his 'abs' off to do it! I admire him, and thats that. Or so I thought. His best performance to date for me is Swades. He was Mohan Bhargav and not Shah Rukh Khan.

Om shanti om in all its entirety celebrates Indian Cinema. Cinema with all its extravagance, illogic, cliched dialogues, manmohan desai style milna-bichadna, purely co-incidental, naach gaana, hundred costumes in one song, poor boy- rich girl, the maa and her dil, the kaash aaj tere pitaji zinda hote, the aaj se bees saal pahle (and beyond). The audience loved the 70s.

I have grown up watching a lot of seventies. So much so, that I can tell the name of the movie by just looking at a scene. I cant say the same about the 90s though. I am yet to come across an actor as brilliant as Amitabh Bachchan (Anand, Agneepath, Chupke Chupke, zanjeer, sholay, Deeewar), as natural as Shammi kapoor, not exactly 70s( Teesri Kasam,Junglee, Brahmachari, andaz) as romantic as Rishi Kapoor( khel khel mein, bobby,Kabhie kabhie, karz) , as versatile and effortless as Sanjeev Kumar ( you have to watch Koshish, Sholay, Khilona, Pati Patni aur Vo) as intense and as good looking as Vinod Khanna.

Not to forget the beautiful Smita Patil, Shabana Azmi (watch Arth, mirch masala) Rekha in Umrao Jaan and Khoobsurat, Jaya Bhaduri in Abhimaan, Mili, Guddi, Koshish and Sholay. Sharmila Tagore in Aradhna, Amer Prem, chupke chupke. Outstanding.

Also Amol Palekar with movies like Baton Baton mein and Golmaal. Naseeruddin Shah in masoom, sparsh and mirch masala. There was a bad bad villian, there was a too good to be true hero, then there was hero vs the establishment (mostly during the emergency) milna- bichadna still continues. Numerous love triangles, one very well made that I distinctly remember is 'Sangam.' My friends in school used to tell me, i need to go with the times. But i am a 70s fan and I love it.

Which is also why I loved OSO. yes, the dialogues could have been better, screenplay less dragging, but at the same time attention was paid to the details. In every sense of the word, OSO is an innovative movie. I felt it showed the routine re-incarnation drama with a million elements and that to me is intelligent cinema. You get the feel of that era, there is a subtle connect with Karz, only if you wanna see it. There is a lot of exaggerated play up of emotions, there is that trademark music.

Post-thirty years, running around trees is replaced by item numbers, the actor or the main lead has more say in the movie than the director himself. Cinema is more real but at the same time more plastic.

Arjun Rampal was superb. Deepika can act. Shah Rukh Khan looks sexy with the six packs. Shreyas Talpade's timing is brilliant. Kiron Kher's rendition of Nirupa Roy is worth watching.

Music was not bad either. The title track and 'ankhon mein teri' are songs you take with you. I also liked 'kaise naino se nain milaon sajna!'

OSO was a blend. The struggle of a junior artiste, a filmi mother, star struck Om, so much in love, the villain with his cruelty, pappu his best friend forever and the love for cinema. It was entertaining. It was colourful. I laughed till I cried. After a long time, I was taking back with me just the feel good factor. Happys Endings!

It was special cos I watched with one of my bestest friends. An evening I wont forget for a long time to come.

Tum bore to nahi hue na?

Thenks!

Shit Happens

2007-11-10T12:45:00.000+05:30

Yes, I know. I know I have written this several times over and some more. But now its not for me. This is for a dear friend who is special in a special way, someone whose poetry goes beyond mere words, someone whose writing amazes me every time I read it and someone who I have grown to admire each passing day. But, this is not about her. Its about what she feels and what she feels is important.

This seems like its going nowhere, but it is. We always have questions, I have many, all the time about everything. Some of my questions hardly have an answer, when i cant find them, I write. I also write when I find them. Questions like why people meet when they have to part? Or why people decide that its time they parted ways? And when they do come back for whatever reason, what do you do? Welcome them with arms wide open or say screw you too?

No, its not about love. Not at all. Its about friendship and the love within. Ok that sounds weird, I shall rephrase. Its about memories, gathered, nurtured, fallen and gathered again. Enough and more to fill a life time. 'Memories' is not a plural of 'memory'.

What do you do when a friend walks out on you? A friend who meant more than life itself, who meant music beyond orchestra, who meant poetry beyond prima facie phrases, who meant all that and much more. You go back to all those songs that dint mean the same once. Those conversations that lasted hours, when time was just another word. So now are they all meaningless? Or had I forgotten that nothing lasts forever? Or was I expecting too much?

What do you say when they tell you 'I dont feel the closeness anymore, I have changed, not you?' without realizing that everything changes for the 'you' post-profound-statement... It happened to me, not once but several times over, it happened to her and I am sure it happens to you too...But only because something happens so often it doesn't mean life is like that! Or maybe it does, I don't know.

My best friends have walked out, moved away, without a warning, a sign or a signal. But if you know them well enough, you would understand that they have better things to do than making memories with you. Thats a sign, you choose to ignore. Well, I chose to ignore.

I was telling her, I cant write about this cos my wounds have healed or i have scratched them so bad that they don't bleed anymore. I am immune, or so I thought. Her wounds are fresh, mine don't seem any different. But i am only wounded, not dead yet! Neither is she.

Life goes on, people change, you change too. Sorry for sounding like an introductory paragraph of some crappy psycho book, but its true. What remains is the M word. What do you do with those?

For you, my friend I have only this to say:

'Meet and part is the scheme of life, Part and meet is the hope of life'

Shit happens. We need to learn how to flush, now and again and forever.

19, Dravid

2007-11-01T10:32:00.000+05:30

1996: An eleven year old, young girl, surfs through boring TV channels, looking for a reason for the invention of television. She finds it. A ball running towards the boundary, a fielder hopelessly behind it. Camera moves, batsman in frame. Girl has never seen him before, cricket was still Sachin Tendulkar for her, like everybody else.

Things changed. He had arrived, but right now only for testing times. Scoring a 95 on debut versus England, he found himself replacing an injured Manjrekar. He was the new rising star. Not yet.

But for the girl, he was the new idol. What struck her was his silent aggression, his determination, his temperament and his way of silencing his critics. when he was on the field, only his bat spoke. In an age of swashbuckling, stylish batsmen, no. 19 jerseyed Dravid played all strokes in the book to perfection. Branded as technically sound but slow( BTW he is the fastest to reach 9000 runs in test cricket, braking Brian Lara's record by one innings), he found himself splashed in sports pages of dailies, but couldn't find a spot in the one-day squad.

That was then. Batting at No. 3, 4, 5, 6, keeping wickets, even bowling, he did everything in his might for the team and some more. His batting hardly failed him, his gut never. Girl had a new definition for cricket. Rahul Dravid.

From being a 'defensive' batsman, to standing shoulder to shoulder with the best batsmen in the world, finding his name etched in records previously broken, made and shared, Dravid had become more than just another name. He had become an ambassador of consistency, grit and team spirit. Girl came to know him as the 'wall'. Girl doesn't like labels.

So, the 'Wall' that has now crumbled as they say, is the only player to have scored a century against every test playing nation away from home. First Indian batsman to have scored five double centuries, each bigger than the other. Girl witnessed all. A silent but loyal spectator.

Waiting for a wicket to fall, just to see him bat, waiting for him to take on the field, snatching the ball from the air at a speed of naughts, taking the most amazing catches fielding at a spot known as the 'slip'!

Today, dropped from the side, he doesn't need this post. But, the girl needs to tell him that he is was and will be her hero, now and forever. He needs to know that he has been the teacher, the guide, the mentor. He needs to know that he has provided the game of cricket with a follower who wanted to be like him, but who realized that being Dravid is not easy.

Cricket is not going to be the same. Just not going to be the same.

No. 19 Dravid, will walk again, this time to prove a point to those in the selection committee. You say, its no big deal? For the girl, it is.

For the girl it is cos the cover drive still haunts.

143 Really?

2007-10-27T17:43:00.001+05:30

I have conveniently, and for long, avoided writing about something so close to everyone's heart, literally. Its a question that refuses an answer to itself. I am not going to ask that profound question, cos I am sure, none of us can answer. In these 22 years of inconsequential existence, I have experienced being in the four letter word. Probably i would never say it.

I have fallen deeply, head over heels. I have fallen miserably too. Like everybody else. I could never understand how a person can like two people at once, or why are there certain norms to be followed in a relationship. What is the difference between being close friends and being in a relationship? Lust?

It all seemed fake after a point of time. It seemed mechanical, i mean, a relationship should be respected, the 'other' should be. No matter what. Why I say it seemed mechanical, simply because of the way a relationship is perceived

"you have a boy friend ? or are you single?" (no I think I am double)
" So u like him?''
"when are you planning to tell her?"
" are you going out with him?"
"what did she say? rejected or accepted?" (like its a job offer)
" so he dumped you? you guys broke up?"
"what you gonna do now, i think you should just move on, you deserve better."

Thank you very much. I know I should move on, but who answers my questions? Can you? you wont know how it was cos you are not me and I am not you. The stupidest thing to say, once somebody loses the other, is 'get over'. I can fake it too and say yeah man everything is cool, its over and then reconcile saying it was never meant to be. really?

How does someone become so important that you forget the world? everything previously associated with something else, just goes back to that one person. why? I don't know. really.

The feeling with which everything started, loses its way to a truckload of crap all brought upon by the self. Do I regret falling for someone? I don't. It felt right then, it feels right now. i feel love like i feel everything else. Its a FEELING.

I was losing it. I wasn't living up to expectations, those that I have from myself. I have lost myself in the process, it is an evolution in itself. thats when I realized it probably is not my cup of tea. I can be in love, but never say it. ever.

Being in love is different for different people. you can be in it, but not necessarily be in a relationship. I can be in love forever, but what am i committed to? to being in love or the person? What exactly is commitment?

The feeling of being in love is exciting to say the least, its up to me to let myself loose or say no way, its not for me. But the question is do i have the guts or whatever it takes to think of someone as a prospective 'other'? probably not, I would prefer watching the action from the sidelines. Really?

I would be lying if I say, I don't wanna be in love. Really. Maybe I am, right now, maybe not. Anyhow the point is I don't have whatever it takes to say it. I 'really' don't.

1 4 3 is just a number. And love is just another four letter word.

This post in all its totality is nonsensical and therefore can be ignored.

But do 143? Really? but who is you?

I shall keep it to myself. Really.

F>R>I>E>N>D>S

2007-10-05T19:04:00.000+05:30

A-5. My school bus stops in front of our apartment gate. Students step out into the scorching 2:30 pm sun, glad and tired after a day's work. I help my brother down and we cross the road with a bunch of other school mates. Ansari Bhaiya stands near the gate, envelopes in hand, doing his cutomary duty, that of guarding our homes.
"bhaiya meri koi chitthi aayi hai, koi courier, kuch bhi?"
Yeah right, like I am a celebrity waiting to read fan mails.
But he has never said no. Ansari bhaiya never says no. He nodded and I jumped.

"appa ke liye hai, koi bank se aaya hai. ye lo". He smiles and gives me water to drink. "bahut dhoop hai na, tum logo ko ye iskool vaale dopahar ko kyun chodte hain?"

"bhaiya kabhi to chodte hain na, ab iskool mein rehna kaun chahata hai?" He raises his hand at the mention of 'iskool', as I run away. He has helped me in more ways than one, bought tennis balls when we lost ours, fought with boys for us, conspired with us in fooling the boys on april fool's day! I have conversed with him about his family and his life as a security guard. He has advised me on several occasions to behave myself and act like a girl should, "varna tumse koi shaadi nahi karega, batadeta hoon main". All those moments remain in me.

Today, I don't know where he is.

--------
I leave office at a peak traffic hour. Cross one road, walk some distance and then stop. Bangalore roads have signals at the most bizzare places and four policemen manning a four lane road. Result: confusion.

From somewhere a hand comes and holds mine.
"baa maa" I obediently follow this blue sareeed old lady, wrinkled-hands of steel. We cross successfully, she beams at me like we have just crossed the english channel, I smile and walk away. She stops as she needs to cross another road. For some reason I turn and wave at her, she smiles and waves back, shouting "Nagamma". I am guessing thats her name.

Today, I don't know where she is.

--------

"sadhana! epudi irrukai ma?"( how are you) Nobody has ever called me so lovingly. He used to, unfailingly. Always. "you dont meet me these days, nor do you come this side, everything alrite?" He gets out of the car, opens the door for me to sit and there begins a rendezvous. Dorai uncle is the best Driver my mama ever had, he talks about my cousins and how they have grown up and spend less and less time with parents. Telling me in a way, not to indulge in the same. I nod. He looks at me and says, "you know when I was small....." his voice trails off and I am spellbound by his pre-independence tales...

Today, I don't know where he is.

---------

A broken knee, a torn jeans, a bag on my back. I stumble and stagger towards my college food court, the usual post-accident scene. I see him, pot-bellied, dark, white moustache. He takes my bag and helps me with torn papers waiting to slip out of my wounded hands. Subramaniam, my favourite security guards and one of the most valuable friends I managed to gather from Christ College.
He helped me all the way to the bloody third floor, (these people love to give our question paperson the himalayas) all my other friends were studying.

Today, I don't know where he is.

---------

"tibban aaytha ma?" (have u had tiffin?)
"aaythu" pause..
We pass the sixth floor. The lift moves, he says "too much traffic these days, how do you manage?" I just smile...
Evening arrives. I get back into the lift and he presses 0. He is buys reading the newspaper, I ask him, what do you do the whole day in the lift, going up and down?"
"nothing, listen to other people's conversations, heheheh"
"whats your name?"
"Kimraj. nimma hesaru?"
"sadhana"
"ah! monday ok? byebye"
I smile.

Today, I know where he is.

-------
Phone rings. A familiar name.
MT-"hello"
"hi, how are you?"

MT-"fine. so tell me."
"I am wearing a white shirt today"

MT- "so?"
"I thought you always liked me in white"

Call gets cut...
Me thinks does my opinion matter, did it ever?

Today, I know where he is....

Does that make a difference?

Today, I know where he is........

Guilty As Charged

2007-09-26T21:04:00.000+05:30

I am angry. For several reasons than one, but I am really pissed with the way these people have treated our hockey players. I am using too simple words but this is anger speaking.When we say 'Indian team', its understood or rather is a given that we are talking abt the Indian Cricket Team. Yes we won the world cup, a couple of days back, yes it was a great match, yes I blogged about it. But I myself did not blog about the hockey team's victory, nobody I know did. What does this say about us? about me?? I am angry with me.

Indian cricket team beat australia by 15 runs, good job. India beat Pakistan in a bowl out(when there is a tie in the final scores a bowl-out is called for akin to shoot out in football), India beat england by 18 runs, India beat SA by 37 runs...All good wins, but close ones. Iam not taking anything away from the cricketers, I watched every match, without blinking an eye. I knew every player in every team, mostly, by heart. I can recognise them from the way they walk, stand or talk. Everything from batting line-ups to players unfit. Just about everything.

The hockey team (no 'india' here) beat the balls outta their opponents. India beat sri lanka by 20 goals, yes it means 20-0. Thailand 16-0. Pakistan 3-1 South Korea 7-2. I would like to mention here that South Korea is more than a formidable team. Its the Australia of hockey, its easier to understand that way isnt it? But is it good enough to earn the team 3 million dollars?

Not that ist not, just that they cant. Simply cos, the IHF unlike BCCI doesnt have sponsors, therefore not enough money. BCCI is the richest board in the world, maybe thats why members of the board and the politicians occupied the front row, waving shamelessly to the camera men, as if they toiled in the field.Yuvraj's six sixes got him a crore, a porsche car, match fees obviously and some more. This is minus the selling products campaign.

The whole Indian hockey team got just Rs. 50,000. A bonus of 1000 for each goal scored!! A huge hue and cry over that too... Sahara sponsors both hockey and cricket in India. While, the men in blue got a luxury house each, the hockey team dint even get a brick.Today, the Indian cricket team is back in India. A grand welcome. The hockey team is on a hunger strike, fighting for their rights. Who is gonna give them a morsel?

I cant, cos I am as guilty as the administration.
I had to google most hockey facts.

Guilty as charged.

Bas Ek Naam IN-DI-A

2007-09-24T21:43:00.000+05:30

'Itihaas bhi kabhi pahli baar hua tha'

Said Dhoni on the front page of the Times of India. I normally dont read sports news before an important match. Simply cos the 'media' of which I am very much a part , takes the bunch of eleven hard working players to the peak, dangerously increasing the expectations of a nation that suffers from cricket mania. And then pushing them down from that pseudo peak to ground zero.

But, on 24th Sep. 2007, I did read that bit of news. That one line, a quote for the journalist and a statement for Team India, forced me to stop and rethink. (I also got excited cos I had just found a status msg for myself!). Here was a young captain of an even younger side, exhubing confidence of having beaten the 'kangaroos' convincingly, saying with a firm head on his shoulders, that history does repeat itself, but to repeat it has to happen atleast once.

1996, the year I actually started following serious cricket, a cricket beyond Sachin Tendulkar. I genuinely got interested in the game, thanks to Dravid's cover drive. A few months hence, and a couple of nail biting victories later, I was there. A number in the multitudes that love the game and a tad inch closer to understanding the sport. Thats when it ceased to remain just a game.

I played with the boys, even though I was always a fielder on the far end of the ground where the ball would think twice before reaching. I got myself trained, standing behind the stumps, like an idiot. Fast bowler from the far end, inside the nets there isnt much place. The ball mistakes me for the stump and I get hit right on my abdomen. Pain. Excruciating pain. I quit.

Why I narrated this unimportant incident here is just to say that I know how difficult it is to run with those pads on, to adjust yourself to see through the helmet, to make yourself comfortable with the leather ball, to get used to the pain is a pain in itself. Its more of a mind game. Which is where the amount of respect I have for Cricket comes from.

The men in Blue have been through a match-fixing scandal, have lost a world cup, have had an early exit from another, have struggled overseas, have been dubbed as chokers, have never had a steady opening combination, have had several wicket-keepers or bastmen, but not one wicket-keeper batsman, have reached the finals several times and lost. In the process, lost on a heavy chunk of people who call themselves 'cricket lovers'. At a time when the team needed the nation, it got brickbats. I could never understand the lack of faith. Yes, I did feel devastated, shattered, but wouldn they feel worse?? Its their job. And trust me, they want to win too!

Today, however, is a different day. We just won the twenty-twenty world cup. This shorter version of the game has been debated,discussed and dissected. Now, it will be accepted even by those who worship test cricket and are afraid of its extinction. Cricket will survive in any and every form. Detractors will always be there, its about how you play it. Whether its five days, fifty overs or twenty, doesnt really matter. Had we lost it would have been a different ball game altogether...hmm..for the media, definitely...

Here is to a team that has been fearless, passionate, persevering and deserving.
To the former team that has been same as above.
To the team that won the 1983 world cup.
Gave us something to cheer about.
Took us out of our mundane lives.
Made us realise that it aint over, till its over.
To those commentators who made english sound like such an interesting language.
To Tony Greig, Harsha Bhogle, Ravi Shastry.
To Sachin, Ganguly, Dravid.
To those who made it to team India.
To those who dint, 'quitting isnt worth the effort'.
To Dhoni and his entire team.
To Bhai for introducing me to the game.
To Pricky, who was the only person other than me who believed we would do it, no matter what..

From the bat to the ball,
From the backs to the 'wall'
Team India never had a great Fall
It was not just a status msg. after all!!!!!!

In the end what matters is..
Bas Ek Naam IN-DI-A....

BTW

Why wasnt the Indian hockey team all over the newspapers when it won the Asia Cup beating South Korea, a team known for its better deal with the stick? More importantly, why did'nt I blog about it, if i call myself sport lover? What exactly defines the 'times' of India?

Nothing much, Iam just wondering about the 'IN-DI-A' bit...
Thats all..

Just a Ping Away...

2007-09-10T19:49:00.000+05:30

Torn pages
from a diary.
Twisted dog ears,
Traces of memory...

A flash of thought,
Spills over like
a forgotten bookmark
from sandwiched shards of nothingness..

I wipe it out from
time to time
Enough of this mist
Enough of wordless mime.

It comes back,
like an old story
in a new cover
But the issue is closed...

Weird it is,
this juxtaposition,
Mind against the heart
In terrible opposition...

Between a dream,
and a bygone nightmare,
a severed thread lingers
completely in despair..

Open arms, I waited
for a long lost gesture
Demolished...
My own annihilation..

I search in vain
for a little more pain..
But what do I gain?

Just a phony call
that found its way
saying, 'I was just a ping away'..

Sorry, a network problem..
You are no more connected..
The issue is closed....
Exactly a ping away...

Tu Bhai hai to apun bhi behen hai!

2007-08-27T21:11:00.000+05:30

Actually, I really dont think I should blog about this cos the guy in question, is being very nasty with me right now, he just threatened with hand gestures, to shut down the comp. But because I dont take such things to heart, I shall continue..probably he does'nt know he is being written about! Blame it on the innocence of his age or should I admit, his 'I-care-a-damn' attitude?

Whatever the reason, (see even I dont care!), the point is this is a post waiting to be blogged. When I was in the eighth standard, our class teacher told us that we need to celebrate rakhi! we were shocked. Most of us were open mouthed and dumbstruck for very obvious reasons. Thats the kuch kuch hota hai phase and this lady was telling us to do a bhaiya mere rakhi ke bandhan ko nibhaana...She was like all the girls will buy one rakhi each and all the boys should get something for the girls..fair enough...but the problem is, its according to your bloody roll number, so if u happen to be romantically inclined towards anyone around your roll call, then thats the end of the knight in shining armour and farewell to the dreamgirls...

I personally was not in favour of encouraging such a blasphemous relationship. I have a brother at home and I dont need to add to that number. This is the only place where I can bitch abt him and Iam making use of this golden opportunity...

So, when I was really small, and he was minus four smaller than me, we had a fight. Whats new? lots actually. Our fights have always seen the glint of new age weapons, it was never hit-with-whatever-you-find. Thats not how real warriors fight, thats random self-defence. The weapon in question here is a punching machine.. He hit me hard with it, on my back. And that was just the beginning of my romance with back injuries, that keep reminding me, in Arnold the great's famous words - "I will be back".

Years later, when we matured into responsible individuals, we got a new TV at home. Its USP for us was definitely the remote. U have the remote, u have the control, thinking thus, a deal was made and it was mutually decided to give each other a day with the remote. one day for me, one day for him. It was the fastest deal in the history of independent India, there was no one 'left' to oppose it anyway! thanks to my parents who firmly believed in hum do hamare do..

And then reality hit hard, we were informed that we were gonna vacate the delhi house and move to bangalore, for good. That was probably the first time that we realised we live in the same house. That was the beginning of a completely weird relationship.

We grew up, he did, definitely. He got friends, a nice bunch. He has always been the dominating kind, his following thus, is a bunch of wayward kids who look upto him. And he loves it and I love that. Temper plays around his nose, and he makes no attempt to silence it. I am not scared of it though, maybe Iam but thats just a wee bit.

We used to play a lot together, even though we had our own gender specific friends. I learn cricket from him and since then I have been trying to impress him both with the ball and the bat, but in vain. He never complements, scolds always, but that has made me push myself harder. Sometimes I feel like he is my elder brother, but when I see that cheeky smile on his face, " Akka! enodu akka! " ( my sister!) I realise that my purse is gonna say good bye to a big bunch.

His face gives away his innermost feelings, how much ever he tries to hide. Behind that tough exterior is a sensitive soul, aiye sounds like some axe effect ad.. But thats true, he has cried his heart out after watching an emotionally charged movie 'sagar' . He says all kinds of things about the Indian cricket team, but then ends up biting his nails... He is what I call, the secret,silent, nail-biting spectator.

You should witness the dressing up ceremony. Bath over. towel rolled. mirror in fsront, full x-ray of the face, applies axe, almost empties the bottle. I fume. Wears jeans, takes shirts out...selects:

Bhai: oi ye theek hai kya?
MT: hmmm..
Bhai: theek se bata na..
MT: haan theek hai..
Bhai: (not convinced)
MT: tujhe kaun dekhne vala hai, kuch bhi pehenke jaana..
Bhai: tu kabhi theek se nahi batati..
MT: to puchta kyun hai?
Bhai: aur kaun batayega?
MT: (smiles) red pehenke jaa, vaise bhi tere paas kuch hai nahi..
Bhai: to leke dena.
MT vanishes...

This is an everyday affair...and will continue for years to come...I might not be able to say it on his face ever, but he is one guy I will do anything for...cos he just bought me chocolate cake from sweet chariot...that reminds me he is an awesome cook...extremely brilliant..he can make a five star dish outta dhabe ka khana and both will tempt your taste buds to ask for more... And he is really funny, you should see him sing and dance..His jokes are wicked and soon you will learn to laugh at yourself and when he laughs at yours, you feel like you have accompolished something...I mean, I feel I have...all the time..He can sing besura and bring the building down and if I do the same he says " sadhana raat ho gayi hai, akal nahi hai kya tere mein?" And I increase my volume....

I love him.

Completely, genuinely,honestly....even though he goes crazy over football,over liverpool, and is mad about red...He will go a long way,I know. He is so unlike me, and that is reason enough. Dismantle anything and give it to him, u will find a new and improved version,be it a broken cd, a comp,or a broken heart. Kids love him..Harish bhaiya chahiye, Harish Bhaiya chahiye...

Thanks for that arm around my shoulder
Thanks for being with me
Thanks for letting me win remote fights, and giving in to my stupidities
Thanks for teaching me cricket and making me fallmadly in love with it
Thanks for telling me I suck instead of flattering me to death
Thanks for everything....
have a wonderful life...i hope things between us dont change when u become a big man ;) u know what that means!

" bhai jao pahle us aadmi ka sign leke aao, jisne hamara ghar kharida tha, uske baad mere bhai, tu kahi bhi sign karne bol, main karungi.."

For all the songs we love and all the laughs we have shared and the tears....I know I irritate u too much, but this is just for you..

Hope u have the patience to read...

Take Care

He loves red...

Chak De India!!

2007-08-15T21:31:00.000+05:30

Yes. I watched the movie...finally, after witnessing house full boards all over the city, I got to watch it on this very special day, 15th August 2007. Sixty years is a long time...The tv channels understand it, so does the media.. From CNN-IBN to NDTV, and our very own aaj tak... there were debates, indo-pak one sided superficial discussions...There were special shows, taking us back to the past, 1947 to 2007...our achievements, our contributions, our struggle...

I watched all that and much more. I was one of the millions listening to patriotic songs, repeatedly being played on TV. nothing moved me for quite some time. I surfed and re surfed and surfed again, the buttons on my remote are no more embossed. I was searching for something, I dont know what. In the process, my fingers trembled and went back two channels, some weird awards and a scantily audienced quiz show later, I found it. A sardarji was singing,

ae guzarne vaali hawa bata
Mera itna kaam karegi kya....

and it went on to..

Main vaapas aaoonga
Main vaapas aaoonga

And I realised what I was searching for...I cried... It touched me, the way the guy sang, he could barely sing cos his voice was choking...But it was straight from the heart, genuine, not the annu kapoor type.

I can still hear his voice. Why I brought this up here? Cos I felt like, cos I just wanted to, thats what freedom is all about, isnt it?

Chak de India was an experience in itself, no I am not gonna review the movie, but for me this was Shahrukh Khan's best performance after Swades. He has done a brilliant job. the dialogues are intelligent and delivered superbly, there is subtle humour with immaculate timing...They could have done a better job with the screenplay, but I am no expert. The title track rocks, it makes you wanna dance!! Even though you know the outcome, you will find yourself surprisingly sitting at the edge of your seat, biting those dirty nails off...even if you pretend to predict!

So thats that. But what happened after the movie left me with a few questions. We, that is my friend and I, came out from the theatre, searching for an auto. every auto guy we asked said 150 bucks for 8 kms, I have always detested the incessant right that they seem to possess with no rhyme or reason and more often than not they end up getting a piece of my mind. So, I said "aap apne paas apna auto rakho"..

Next auto, a flag sitting pretty, looking beautiful on top of it, the guy said "ten rupees extra dena madam"
MT: Sirf 7 baje hain. kamsekam jhanda rakhke nainsafi mat karo. sharam aani chhaiye tumko.
Auto: thhek hai baitho madam.
MT: meter se zyada nahi dooongi.
Auto: theek hai na madam, meter laga diya.
MT: baad mein ladayi mat karna.
Auto: aap baithiye na madam..

The three wheeler zooms past the bangalore not-so-trafficky-evening. As I read his name plate that said mahaboob pasha.... The wind sways the flag on my face, I touch it, with pride, as I glance through it and read a hoarding which said "dangerously desirable"....I smile

We get down, and my friend tells the auto guy,
F: bura na mano to ek baat kahu. flag utar do, andhera ho gaya hai.
auto: nods...

The first thought or question or what ever u wanna call it, was why?? why should he put the flag inside? Just because its dark. I asked him. he said, its a rule. there are some special occassions when u can let it sway after dark.

I dont agree. Somehow its not acceptable to me, even if its a rule, or like my other friend said, a flag protocol. The auto guy, Pasha, was celebrating his country's independence day, doesnt he even have the freedom to let the flag sway till whenever he wants it to?

What freedom are we talking abt? Is it only for the armed forces and the politicians, the right to hoist the flag? Is it only on special occassions?

If the announcement of freedom was made at midnight, the flag would have been hoisted then, midnight is not sunshine in full bloom! now this is a special occassion..hmmm

My question is why not? why cant I hoist the flag and keep it till day break? maybe this is how i celebrate my independence day...

I, a civilian and the citizen of this country want to hoist the flag, a flag that is the symbol of my country and its independence, its identity, a flag that came to 'light' after 200 dark years of slavery, of inhumanness, of being the so called white-man's burden...

Do I have it in me?

I would say Chak de India!

Some Random Crap 2

2007-08-08T21:09:00.000+05:30

Back to blogging. Back to crapping, and lots more. So much has happened, hard for the mind to comprehend, harder for the heart to ignore. Not in any order, this is obviously random....

I was talking to one of my childhood friends and we were discussing something that both of us severely lack, weight.. He was telling me abt BMI thats body mass index, by the way, and he concluded that I am a stick, like I dint know!

So we have our first woman president, hmmm, some say give her a chance others say, who the hell is pratibha patil, never heard of her! I was one of the latter. Dr. Kalam is someone I respect, admire, adore, there could have been no replacement. He had a foresight, an eye on the future. He sincerely believed in nation building, in the Ramnath Goenka Debate, aired on NDTV and CNN IBN, he said journalists should focus on nation buliding which is equal to A+B+C. A is increase GDP growth, B 60% below poverty line, improve their condition and C restore belief in the value system. Love the man, I still refuse to accept Ms Patil as President. Thats not gonna change anything, anyway!

Watched Phir Milenge and Morning Raaga, yes I hadnt seen either, damn I feel so old, havent watched many movies. Both are brilliantly directed and superbly acted, Shilpa Shetty and Shabana Azmi were outstanding. At one point, Abhishek Bachchan who plays the I-want-to-help-people lawyer, is in a quandry, searching for reasons why he wanted to become a lawyer, he goes on to say that he lost his primary aim earning money, as good and as much as it came. I can relate with that, I shall not elaborate...

I am also watching a whole lot of not-so-real(ity) shows, all of them suck beyond everything. They are simply playing with emotions, they seem to follow a mantra that says 'More tears for more TRP!' If tears dont do the needful, then its definitely war of the judges and brilliant editing that makes the 'sincere and dedicated' viewer sit a mile from the remote. I can write a thesis on this...some other time, maybe. What exactly are we doing for indian idles? The unemployed lot? are we voting sincerely enough or do we plan to lose it all to the Indian Idol?

Sanjay Dutt finally got his sentence, and the world went berserk. Usko ek sentence mili, logo ne to panne bhar diye, an argument says he was in his best conduct and attended court even when he was sandwiched between tight shooting schedules... Isnt he supposed to do it anyway? Six years is a long time, maybe, maybe not. Does he deserve it, I am no one to say that.. Just as I am no one to select my president.

Well, all through all this, just some time back, Sania beat Hingis! Finally did it, I am glad, actually I am mightily happy, and then I was triply happy when we beat England, it always gives me a high to beat english in their own backyard, that too convincingly..Sreesanth's wary aggression caused him an oust from the team, but then he was too wayward and his beamer was just uncalled for.

Will we ever seal the deal? This stupid nuke-deal seems to have taken longer than the '93 bomb blast verdict. screw them...duniya tarakki kar raha hai, hum 1,2,3 pe attak jayenge! thu..The americans are a bunch of idiots, like one of my close friends wrote in one of his very first articles, Indians, simpletons, fools?

ah and friendship day came and went I dint even realise, except for that one phone call from the Big Ben! ;) And a thoughful card from someone who 'me thinks' ;)

On that note, this hardly-working woman, stops the crap flow, pardon the randomness of it all...

Rendezvous with Salman Khan

2007-07-21T17:36:00.000+05:30

Just last week, I indulged in something I find extremely boring and a sheer waste of time and money. Shopping! Now, that I am employed, I need to get a nice wardrobe, so says amma...I cant go like just some girl who cares a damn about what she is wearing...Like they are paying me for what I am wearing...

Shopping on commercial street on any street for that matter is more difficult than rocket science. I am dying of hunger, while amma shops for me, suit material...When hunger is coupled with boredom and that too me being the victim, its a pretty sad state of affairs. I begin to show extreme disinterest in all those mannequins, all bald and beautifully dressed.

My eyes spot an american corn seller, I tell ma, I will be back in a while, she has this 'where to' expression on her face and I say "pasikaradu" (meaning, am hungry) she says fine lets go.
Lets go?? I thought I was hungry. Never mind...

So then, we buy corn. She sweeps the cup clean, faster than a tendulkar (ok sad pun on sweep), as I struggle with the spoon which is smaller than a key hole. I sit on the side walk, opposite the Favourite shop (50% off, hurry) amma reads the last word and rushes in...

I make myself comfortable on the side walk, which is already occupied. And then I spot him..
Clad in a pink banian and faded jeans, he sat in style, like he always does...
oh oh jaane jaana playing in my head, I offer him the residue of my corn, he replies in Tamil
"Neengal sapudunga" (you eat)

MT: Tamil epudi teriyum? (how do u know tamil)
SK: Learnt it, worked in several places, I am a fast learner.
MT: Oh cool! So then you must have understood everything I spoke to ma.
SK: Definitely! I dint show it, I am a silent observer, and a good actor.
MT: oh of course.
SK: Where are you from?
MT: I am from Delhi. ( safest bet)
SK: Oh I have been to delhi, Its a beautiful place.
MT: yes yes. ( I was already impressed)
SK: I think you should go now, your mom is already inside.
MT: Thats ok. Anyway she wouldn want someone who doesn offer any help with either the clothes or the cash. what brings you here?
SK: I came with a friend, he is just taking a round, will be here any minute.
MT: Oh cool! I wanna meet him.
SK: Iam not sure if u will like him.
MT: Why not?
SK: Lets see...

Time out... Friend doesnt appear on the scene and I realise its time that I went into the not-so-favourite-shop.

SK suddenly jumps, "Ah there he is"... I have this notion of some tall guy, with long hair, I witness, a man, well over twenty, using his legs for his hands... Begging...

The person I was talking to was in no way ordinary. He had accompolished a lot, his eyes showed a rare determination, a zest and the immediate need to set things right. I was in awe.
Still am.

I asked him out of curiosity: what is your name?

"Salman Khan" he said.
I have never seen a more confident smile.

" Not the actor" he added, as an after-thought.

I smiled. wished him luck. " Thanks Akka"

Took his friend and walked away to an uncertain future.

While I stood there, telling myself, shopping is not such a bad deal after all!

Oh Oh jaane jana......

Some Random Crap

2007-07-02T22:25:00.000+05:30

Crap can mean a lot of things. It can mean crap as in literally crap or crap as in anything that one feels is crap-like! Definitely not making sense. But that what this post is about...
Some random crap...

------

2 months in Delhi. UNI in this not-so-beautiful-world. Life felt like it was never like that!
I just wanted it to get over cos what UNI gives you besides tasty subsidised halwa, is a world of disguised unemployment leading to frustration and dehydration due to delhi heat.

-------

Back to bangalore. College beckons. People all seem new and different. Getting back to books, back to student mode, after a stint as an employee of a 'prestigious' organisation was more difficult than I thought. Friends or rather a friend made all the difference. Thanks. had you not been there I would have broken down.

----------

Exams done away with. College over. MT post graduate... Still not all that wiser though. Just another degree old.. Its getting hot in here! ;)
Convocation day, came and went... No invocation song, inspite of hours of practise...The MC forgot!

-------------

People packed their bags. Left for their respective places in search of livelihood. Pardon the exaggeration. The residue is here, waiting...

----------------

Rona dhona over. Painful journey to the station to send off people every second day, over. Paying fine for no platform ticket, arguing with the personnel at the station, over. Roll no 16 expressing his emotions for the first time on platform 1, over. MT crying as Sri Sri kids leave, over. Over and out.

-------------------

Searching for a job. Dropping resumes all over the city. Waiting for interview calls. everything seems like a movie. So surreal but THE reality. Unemployment sucks but giving interviews is so exciting.. I wish I could do that for life!! Running your fingers across classifieds, keyword-journalists wanted (really makes you feel so wanted, atleast by someone ;) )

-------------------------

Mumbai flooded, Sahib singh verma dead, Pratibha Patil for president, Infosys to take over capgemini, Little master on 15,000, Bachchan and Barabanki, Brown britain PM, Rice says NAM is crap...

--------------------------------

Appa still smokes

------------------------------------

No movies watched yet

----------------------------------------

A birthday came and went. I did not wish, deliberately. I still care I always will. No matter what I say. I still care.

---------------------------------------------

No headphones yet. No calls. No mails. No messages.

Just some random crap.............

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Me Thinks Me Weird!

2007-06-08T19:14:00.000+05:30

Rules are:
* Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.

* People who are tagged need to write posts in their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.

* At the end of your post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.

This is something I would have done anyway... But now this becomes important as I had been tagged by none other than someone who won the 'Thinking Blogger Award'...

1. I hate the rain. It depresses me.

2. I dont know how to start a conversation with girls, I feel extremely awkward. Iam more than comfortable with the guys, unfortunately for them.

3. Writing gives me a high..its so intoxicating that I can do it all my life. Iam addicted to it.

4. Iam in love with Amitabh Bachchan and I strongly believe I was related to him romantically ;) in the previous birth.

5. I like pain, physical pain. I think it gives me endurance. It makes me stronger, it tests my limits.

6. I have weird mood swings. I might be extremely happy, enthusiastic, on top of the world and then miserable, angry, upset, depressed, irritated the next minute.

7. I think I have a learning disorder, Iam technologically challenged.

8. I wish I was a guy.

I tag:

Nothin Within

Reema

Cosmos

Richa

Chicane Cruiser

Anand

Mad Angel

cant think of more people...

Just 8 cms Away......

2007-05-31T10:48:00.000+05:30

What did the tall chimney tell the small chimney?

" You are too young to smoke"

Not a milllion dollar question, not a wisecrack, just an old joke. But why now? why today???

Today is a special day...two reasons:
Today is one of my closest friend's birthday..Happy Birthday Cosmos...

The second reason is something I have been toying with. I dont know if this is the appropriate place, all I know is that this is the most appropriate time..

Cigarrette smoking is injurious to health, words marked in red. The one who sells cant read, the one who can read, chooses not to. I shall not go into its ill-effects, not because its oft-repeated but because that is not my objective here.

It causes Cancer, infertility, leukemia and several other life threatening complications, but who cares? thats not the objective, like I said. Thats all just in the books or on TV where the style statement on 70mm, turns into a public service message. But again who cares?

I do. I am a self-confessed passive smoker. I have a chimney at home.
The chimney for smoke uses an 8 cm long nicotine filled stick-like object, which needs a matchstick or the more sophisticated, lighter to burn. This results in a sensation that gives you a high and for those like me, gives a rock bottom all-time low.

It burns the lungs, takes the life outta you and they call it 'stress-buster'..
Even I can smoke if I want to, but unlike those who do, I have this very irresistable urge to live.
Smoking, I guess wont give me that high!

They say there are ways to control it. Hong Kong has recently developed an e-cigarette. Then there is hypnosis and then there are several other alternatives. But the point is, unless one wants to leave it for good, he/she wouldn take any of these steps. Saif ALi Khan complained of chest pain and was admitted to the hospital recently. The reason: excessive smoking. Are you waiting for that warning? Oh but again, thats not the objective.

Appa, this is the last time. I want you to be there to see your grand-children grow. Thats a very dramatic dialogue, but if this doesn't work, nothing would. I know how much a goldflake, or kings as you so very lovingly call it, costs. No. Not 30 bucks. It costs life. Is it worth it?

Is that 8 cm long piece of lifeless crap more precious?

The choice is still yours, we are still at a distance.... just 8 cms away...

Bridge the gap... just 8 cms away...

This is an appeal, if this doesnt work...nothing would....
Nothing ever would....

Just 8 cms away....Appa...

Happy No Tobacco Day....

The IS and the WAS

2007-05-20T11:33:00.000+05:30

Its been a really long time since I posted. No net connection and the most limited access to the web world will have to take the blame.

I am in the city I was born in, therefore it would be right to say that it holds a lot of memories of my childhood ranging from amazing to awful. But the point is, I am back to where I thought I belonged. Maybe, maybe not.

Six years and so much has changed. The roads are brilliant, flyovers have made distances seem near negligible. CNG vehicles have reduced pollution considerably. Incessant honking, unnecessary howling has been almost done away with, almost. It exists, here and there. Malls and some more malls now 'aaram se' sit pretty on those encroached government paths that came under the sealing drive. All of that is legal, by the way. Traffic police have more power than the Prime Minister and rightly so, you dont wear a helmet, pay 600 bucks fine, your pillion without a helmet pay some more! Now, drunk driving, talking on the phone and smoking while driving all amount to fines and a better half of your life chakki peesing. not so 'fine'!!

So much and some more. Auto guys are second only to the underworld, they wont come where you wanna go, their rates are so exhorbitant that even Chidambaram would agree with their inflation excuse! "madam mehangaayi itni badh gayi hai, bachchon ko kya khilayenge?" But they are the best source for info and have an opinion about everything. "Ab to Mayawati aa gayin na, dekhna sonia nahi tikegi, ye sab badal jaayega." I smile and he nods in acknowledgement, we communicate through the rear view mirror. Buses are fun, people sleep and continue sleeping even if the bus bumps over the speed breaker several times over, I am amazed at their impeccable balance. Metro !!! Simply rocks, the system is so user friendly that any idiot like me can travel without any hassles. well maintained and absolutely spotless..

So much has not. Shopkeepers are still open to bargaining, " Bhaiya kya yaar, hum phir aayenge na, dene ka daam bolo," he will make a face and then say with utmost respect "le jaiye madam, ab bhi kya yaad rakhengi" ...
I still hate to shop. Palika bazar and janpath invite those who love to empty their pockets to the temptations of every day life at a much cheaper price. Rightly so.

People are the same, the warmth exists, the " haan jis and namaste ji's " "kya haal hai?" " aaj to tum chaa gaye!", People you have met just yesterday, remember your name and if they cant, the guilt and disappointment is more than obvious on their sweating faces. Beat the heat, how, nobody has figured out yet. Life still goes on, come wind, rain or hailstorm.

BUT..

There is always a 'but'. Delhi is not home, Delhi is not where i see myself settling down (actually i dont see myself 'settling down' at all!) , Delhi was once the place i always wanted to be, Delhi was once my home. Period.

Bangalore with all its traffic jams, lazy people, slower than a snail life, is where I belong... Bangalore with all its inadequacies, Bangalore with christ college, Bangalore with Sri Sri, Bangalore with so much and not so much.
Bangalore is home....

Delhi WAS.

Bangalore IS.

And there lies the difference....

BREAKING NEWS.....

2007-05-10T20:38:00.000+05:30

It happened then,
without a warning
all of a sudden
out of the blue

When things hit you,
asking for evidence
of your existence

Claustrophobic this
very being,
inside me, deep within
scars piled up,
scathing, unseeing

Who would want to know?
Who would want to know?
This breaking news?
Any takers??

No sunshine
No drops of dew
A crack enveloped
in the fourth chamber

Complicated, Confused
wanting to reveal
the purpose of survival
in every new reel

But...
who would want to know?
who would want to know?
This breaking news?
Any takers??

Any takers??

Pappu Pass Ho Gaya!

2007-03-17T17:07:00.000+05:30

Black Board in class 4 A reads

: Write an essay on "My ambition In life"

With a pen in my hand and another hand scratching my head, I think about what this word can possibly mean.. Hmmm.. ambition I thought was something that you want to do, some vocation that you want to take up that would give you immense pleasure.

I wrote "I want to be a bus conductor. He is the most powerful person because when he taps on the door, the bus stops, when he whistles, girls dont feel bad and boys obey." Blame it on the innocence of that age.

Class 5 A
Black Board reads same as above. (The education system lacks innovation)

I wrote " I want to be a washerman (dhobi, well I was never gender specific). I like riding on cycles and he is one guy I always see with one. Even milkmen carry milk on their cycles but then who will get up so early in the morning?"

Class 6 A
Essays stopped. I continued writing though. I wanted to be an athelete. Win the olympics, bring back gold medals for my country. I ran and ran for years...But then had to stop. Reluctantly I did stop, the feet did, that is. The pen did not.

Classes came and went. What I wanted to become, what I wanted to achieve, changed almost every year. I was so lost that I dint know where I was going! ( thats what lost means, actually!)
Then I wanted to join the army, there are things that always remain a distant dream.. I guess I dont have it in me!

All through ''MeinKampf" my pen stood the test of time...I know way to textbookie this line, nevertheless, I shall use it.
I wanted this, I wanted that. Ambition then became as small as just being able to cross the road, tell a friend Iam sorry, tell someone that I love them, remember the names of newly elected ministers, newly etched out states in my country's map, finish an assignment, bring out lab journal before deadline, find time to miss people and tell them that I miss them.

Ambition meant fighting with my brother for the remote, winning it without getting hurt!
It meant writing a headline for a story which made no sense
Writing a story, rewriting the same story
attempting exams
And much more....

It was always about reaching and reaching out
It was always about getting there
It was always about beginning something

It was always about screwing up an interview by saying " I have a father, a mother and a brother!" (like the rest of the population has multiple parents!)

It was always about getting away with it...
Abhi to bus trailer nikali hai, picture to ab bhi baaki hai...
filhaal...
Pappu Pass Ho Gaya!

ILLUSION

2007-03-07T19:51:00.000+05:30

The feeling, the need, the touch

of triumph, of glory, of achievement,

of fate.

Of belief, of certainity, of faith, of destiny

of modesty, of grace

of immortality, of imagination,

of folly, of fault, of reason.

Of the flowers, the wind, the rain,

of the sun, the sea, the seasons

Of time, of money, of power

of passion, of lust, of love.

of miles and miles of nothingness.

Of living, of life, of death.

of the frailities of mankind

of the tryst in the body, the soul and the mind.

Of logic, of emotion

of the void within

of the vaccum without

of the dreams that did not see the light of the day

of reality that seems so far away.

Of all that could have been

of all that actually is

of me, of myself, of the alter ego.

Of the illusion I refuse to see

Of the illusion that is me.

PS. Penned at a boring Press conference

To Sir, With Love

2007-02-12T19:29:00.000+05:30

Selection for sports meet..

Represent house on Sports Day
Scorching heat on a summer morning, MT and kids from other classes line up...

"7th B-MT?"

MT steps forward-
DK sir-" Too short, you wont be visible if you carry the flag, ye to dikhegi hi nahi, Negi sir, kya karein?"

Negi Sir- "Nikaal do, next"

Trials again...next morning
MT stands watching the proceedings...a not-so-silent-spectator..

Negi sir- "7th B?"
MT- "yes sir"
NS- "class monitor?"
MT-"yes sir"
NS- "unko aur koi nahi mila kya?"
MT-"no sir"
NS-"Bhaagna hai tumko?"
MT-"yes sir"
NS-" tum yes sir aur no sir ke alava kuch bolti ho?"
MT-"yes sir"
NS-" sports room se whistle leke aao, I will time you, 40 secs..."
MT-"yes sir"

MT never wears a watch, time is never in her hands..in nobody's hands, for that matter..
returns after 45 secs...

NS-"5 second late, hmmm, kya kare tumhare saath?"
MT-" Sir aapki whistle kho gayi thi, dustbin ke paas padi thi"
NS-"no excuses"
MT-"Yes sir"

Awkward silence follows as Sir plays with the idea of including MT in the relay team, hurdles team and 200 mtrs....

MT-"sir aur kuch lana hai sports room se?"
NS-"nahi, DK sir se poocho flag kahan hai"
MT-"sir sports room mein table pe pada hai, lekar aau, is baar 40 secs...
NS-"run"

MT runs, returns with flag in hand, dot 40 secs....

NS-"good, hurdles kiya hai kabhi?"
MT-"No sir"
NS-"hmmmm...."
MT-"Seekh lungi sir, flag uthane dijiye"
NS-"tum abhi aur kya uthakar laayi thi?"
MT smiles...does a triumphant dance on her way back to class...

Sports Day
Prahalad House
March Past...flag in hand, following Amit Bhaiya, Head boy and MT's mentor...
"eyes right...... left, right, left...."

Prahalad house loses to Eklavya....

200 mtrs
On your mark, get set, whistle....

MT runs....runs, runs, still running...
Shravan house wins
Eklavya house wins
MT comes Third...

break...

DK sir: "kaha tha na negi, isko kyun liya? she was reperesenting the house, mazaak nahi hai.."
NS-"Hurdles baaki hai, abhi bachche ko kuch mat bolo.."
DK-Nods in disagreement.." is baar bhi hum eklavya se haar jaayenge, itni choti si hai, khudegi kaise, phas jaayegi.."
NS-"dekhte hai"
NS to MT
"Tumko pata hai kya karna hai? DK doesnt like you much and you know that, all the best"
MT-extremely short of confidence, guilty of letting house down, walks towards the start line, takes stance, waits for the whistle that would decide her journey through hurdles.....

"On your mark, get set, whistle"

MT runs........First hurdle- success,position third

Second hurdle- success, position third

Third hurdle- lace open, falls, position negligible

removes shoe, runs like there is no tmrw...

Fourth hurdle- success, position second

finish line.............position one

MT falls, this time in happiness, in the joy of conquering the fourth hurdle...
Prahalad house beats Eklavya finally....

NS-"DK sir doesnt like you at all...."
MT-"Thank you sir"

Today is Negi Sir's birthday....

Moral of the story..."It doesn matter how many times you fell, what matters is how many times you got up"

Thank You Sir....

Abhi bachche ko kuch mat bolo....

Rain Rain Go Away...

2007-02-04T01:11:00.000+05:30

pitter patter, pitter patter
...drops fall on the ground...
...fragrance of wet earth fillling your lungs!
you feel like you just refreshed a page that cannot be displayed..(kill joy, thats me)
AHA! experience in other words....

you feel a sense of freedom, you feel like lifting your arms up, wide open....Liberation
you wanna fly, with no care in the world...
for, its raining...

I remember, when I was in school, kids used to love the rain cos that would mean, wet ground and no assembly, no monitoring, no long speech, no punishment...

I remember, when I used to return from school, kids used to love getting wet..soaked from head to toe...wet uniform, will catch cold so school ki chutti....far fetched, but hope is a free entity..

I remember, rain always brought with it truck loads of excitement...people rush to their balconies, windows, doors just to get a glimpse of how cluttered drops of water, flushed from above somewhere, look...

Sky spitting like there is no tmrw.....

I remember, in college, the first time we had a heart-to-heart...it rained
we got acquainted in the midst of an unknown, uninterested crowd, showers our only other listener....

Parted ways...it rained...friends used to tell me 'see, even God is crying!'
Football match...it rained...
Final Farewell...last day...it rained....

It poured everytime I wanted to play, everytime I wanted to go out,everytime i wanted to eat ice cream, everytime I wanted to meet someone, everytime I.... everytime I just wanted to be me....

I never liked the rain....it means nothing to me..my life stops for those few seconds, minutes, hours....

why?

why?

Drops of water create slush,muddy-muddy, dirty dirty....
Watching the rain depresses me.....
Talking abt it upsets me...
It bounds me...liberation ends....

why?

I have no idea...

Rain Rain Go Away
come again another day
Little 'me' want to play

Rain Rain Go Away....

This post has been written and deleted several times....

The Rain never goes away..my streets are flooded......STILL

Rain Rain Go Away..

Saleem aur Anarkali....A Sad Attempt...

2007-01-27T23:50:00.000+05:30

Saleem: aapki razza kya hai mohtarma?
aapki khidmad me haazir
hain hum
Anarkali:aap hamari khidmad me kuchh shaayari pesh keejiye...

Saleem: Shaayari ki baat na kar ai husn ki begairat adaa waali
tere husn ki jhalak ne ek vaar kiya is aashiq par
ki mujrim karaar kar diya duniya ne.
Anarkali: agar hum laila hote aur aap majnu
to aapka ye kalaam sunkar hum bahut pahle hi
so gaye hote.
achchha hua galib pahle hi khuda ki mehfil ko rawaana ho gaye

Saleem: iis kadar beinteha nafrat kyon hai?
dard to hume pata nahin chalta aur mehsoos sirf aapki judayi hoti hai lekin
dard to mera ek ehsaas hai
Anarkali: wah wah!!!

Salim: Saza manzoor hai mujhe par itni nafrat kyon?
Anarkali: aapse koi nafrat kare bhi to kaise, koshish to bahut kee
par nafrat hume hi ho gayi khud se

Saleem: oh kya kahna mere mahboob ka,
nafrat to ek nagma hai jo aapke
ashkon pe saja hai.
Anarkali: vo aapke liye nahi hai
us nafrat ke haqdaar to vo the jo hume chod ke chale gaye
ab unse bhi kya nafrat karna jo is kabil bhi nahi.
waise aapke liye to jaan hazir hai ek bar
aazma kar to dekhiye.

Saleem: aapki jaan ko to hum kabhi nahin aazmayenge
har ek saans me ek ajab si masti hai jo jeete hue hi parakh lenge hum
wo kaam hum par chhod deejiye
Anarkali: tum par to humne sab kuchh hi chhod diya hai
ab hamare paas kuchh nahi hai.

Saleem: are ek mouka to do mujhe.
Anarkali: Mauka dene vaale hum kaun hote hai
mauke to hume dekh kar log lete hai...

Ab aage hum likhe bhi to kya likhe...
hamare paas to alfaaz hi itne kam hai..
jitna zindagi ke paas hamare liye waqt kam hai..

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this post are fictional. Any resemblance with any person living or dead is purely coincidental. This is a sad attempt by two jobless people. Names will not be disclosed for security reasons.

Caution: Joblessness can be dangerous.

End Of Scene # 5

2007-01-26T01:00:00.000+05:30

Location:Richa's bed
Namoone: Pink, Devi, MT
The room is filled with notes, bits of paper scattered all over... bits of what has been said in class written on the edges of the freshly touched paper...
Scene #1 ( never mind the act, we are always in nautanki mode)
Time: 12:00 am

MT: nazism in germany blah blah blah...
Pink: whats a concentration camp?
MT: Jews, gas, naked, 6 million exterminated
Pink: (Eyes wide open almost touching the floor) Shit! how could he?
Devi: Thats what happened. But why are we talking abt Hitler now?

MT: you should read Diary of Anne Frank...
Devi:yes yes. I want a copy of that one. By the way, have you finished UAE?
Pink: Mujhe to neend aa rahi hai yaar, chaar baje uthke padhai karein?
MT, Devi: (mumble, like thats gonna happen) Nahi..

Scene #2
Time: 12:45
Namoone talk abt the status of women in UAE and the flexi time facilities that they get, maternity leave and the fact that the country is prosperous because of its natural wealth...
Read read and read. Mutual agreement to close UAE and get on with the family life in USA...

Pink: kya bakwaas hai? Divorce rates are so high, there is more remarriage than marriage.
MT: Yeah. The basis of their relationship is love you see, and they dont need consent of their parents or relatives to get into matrimony...
Devi: Single parent is the order of the day. The kids there are 4 times more detached from both their parents than in India...
Pink: (Reads ) Children move out at the age of 18, till then they are supported by their parents..hey thats why they are so independent...
MT: and also stressed out...
Devi: Yaar tumne modernization kiya?
MT: Kuch bhi nahi kiya. Kal bhi vaat lagegi sabki...I think we should just do traits of a modern person...

Scene # 3
Time: 1:30
Devi is dozing. Richa wants to sleep. MT and Pink vacate bed. Shift to MT's room, umm drawing room..hall..whatever you wanna call it..
Pink: yaar ab to bahut raat ho gayi..
MT: Kahan yaar, abhi to din shuru hua hai...
Pink glares at MT, latter gets the shut-up-or-i-will-hit-you-signal, takes out notes that say "Confrontation with Pakistan"....
Silence....

MT: I think both India and Pak are to blame, India is too proud of hinduism as a way of life- brahmin blah blah, Pak wants all muslim majority areas, we give kashmir they ask for assam, we give Assam, they will ask for hyderabad...Completion of pakistan is a farce, its not possible...But I feel, the reason why the firangs came here was primarily because of the wealth we had, spices etc included... We were too engulfed in vanity, that we lost track of what was happening around the world...apne pair pe kulhadi marna types...
Pink: (sleep does the vanishing act) No. I dont agree. The state of muslims in Pakistan is much worse than that of Indian muslims....
MT:hmm..to yahan pe vo kaunse aabad hai?
Pink: Yawn...so jaaye kya?

Scene # 4
Time:2:15
MT: Reads- A modern person should accept change, should have traits of self-efficacy, yawn...
Pink:dekha!
MT: Sets alarm. Nahi uthungi main..I know..
Pink:Main hoon na..don worry I will wake you up...Pukka

Scene # 5
Time: 2:30
Pink runs off like a small kid who has just finished her homework..
while MT ponders....

Clothes lying in the bathroom, dirty linen, needs a wash

India won the second one-dayer (MT smiles)

Need to finish corruption , 10 marks

India-pak confrontation, 10 marks

Alumni day after, no, not day after, tomorrow...

That would be 26th Jan. '07

Hmmm...

India ponders...

Dirty linen needs a wash

Need to finish corruption, sounds like an out of syllabus question?

India-Pak confrontation, a question mark in itself...

Alumni today- Names decorated on India Gate...

Amar Jawan Jyoti...salute...

Tujhe hai pukara......

26th Jan. '07

End Of scene # 5

The Cockroach Saga

2007-01-18T12:24:00.000+05:30

When God created man...
woman
plants
nature
animals
blah
blah
reptiles
everything was still heaven.....
Inspite of the introduction of Man...

until....
the advent of the insects....
Cockroaches came, saw, conquered
and all hell broke loose....

The problem is not with their existance, it is with infringment. I have butcherd many, beaten them to pulp. Literally took the life outta them, but they refuse to leave. They have taken a liking to the vicinity that I understand as mine.

The other day, a couple of cockroaches trespassed into the media lab, I mean what guts! Entering the very same area that the rest of the world detests....
Ree screams at the top of her lungs, 'Yuck!' mumm mumm mumm... thats how she blabbers at times...
"Sadie cockroach!" I was like, what?! I was stick insect first and now Iam cockroach, as I rehearsed which gaali to use, she exclaimed, "cockroach hai yahan pe!!"

Then began the hunt. I got ready for the kill.

Step one: Search for chappal, bathroom slippers nahi chalega...
Proper chappals so that the insides of the insect do not spoil the newly acquired 100 buck footwear. It is always good to carry your weapon...cos some of them fly, cockroaches I mean..
Sadly no one has invented a weapon to kill them, HIT kills you more than the cockroach and then you feel you might as well let it live...

Step two: Brooms are of good use, to beat anyone for that matter..But this step is to first search for the 'roach (cocky doesn sound good so...) every possible place, under the table, behind curtains..they love corners but are very restless, keep running back and forth, run behind them.
If they go into those godforsaken nooks and corners, follow them. Remember, that thing is your aim. Its hit and win!

Step three: Dont give up. You will always have other ppl around you, active audience in terms of " abey vahan hai, idhar hai.. kya kar rahi ha yaar, dekh bhaag gaya phir se..saala" ('roaches are always addressed with the male norms of name calling, hmmm..)
Dont lose focus..

Step four: Now that you have wasted too much time, catch the damn thing! Hit ones, it will look at you, with an extremely boring expression and say

'roach- "Dude Wassup?"
Me- "Bloody thats exactly where Iam gonna send you, up!"

'roach- " heheheehe" (runs)
Me- bloody!

'roach- "catch me if you can!"
Me- phat! phat! phat! catch me if you can, it seems! phew..

'roach-wriggles, stirs, antennae squashed, eyes displaced..
but smirk intact..
Me-phat!

'roach-no movement, dead and gone...RIP

Over...
wait..

Step five: look for accomplices...they never attack alone..
If you find some more...repeat step 1 to 5..

Step six: throw the crap in the dustbin, use paper....give it a 'whatever' look

Step seven: Let the victory sink in, rejoice! ;)

Well, now that I have provided you with a comprehensive guide 'to kill a mocking cockroach', I hope my services would not be required anymore, right Ms Ree?
You did a pretty good job in the morning, I heard...

I hope next time "Cockroach!! Where is Sadie??" will not be uttered in the same breath....

MT
Pest control Dept.

Maaaa...

2006-12-23T21:20:00.000+05:30

The reason for this post is evident from the title.. But it is even more important at this point of time as amma turns another year young! (She just told me to switch off the TV, by the way)

So, aaj se kaafi saal pehle, inka janam hua tha aur inke kaaran hamara.. Unnecessary, but Iam too self centered.. But what to do, she gave the world what it needed at the right time.. Modesty aint my cup of tea.. I digress..

At the break of dawn, she wakes up and makes tea, without sugar these days, and drinks. if you thought you would get some pati vrata types, you are terribly mistaken..Appa thankfully understands. She is someone who every other person looks up to, age no bar. She is like the friend,philosopher,guide for those who have lost their way..

Our sir in college once asked us to write five lines about mother. My first line was "she cooks yummy food", welcome to a PG student's communication theory notebook. Well, she does cook like herself! which is amazing..no comparison. Now that I live in a hostel, I miss her dosas big time, crisp,roasted..heaven served in a platter.

My second line was " She buys me clothes".. Nope, I hate shopping. But whenever I run outta the 'appropriate' clothes for a girl, she decides for a wardrobe malfunction! But the point is, we like the same things, so no fighting in front of the salesman..

My third line read " She is beautiful" .. That she is. where do you think I got it from, Fair and Lovely? I feel good when ppl say I look like her, actually I dont.. Men still drool when we go out to eat, not at the food of course! Very photogenic I must add. She is beautiful inside as well. VERY.....

My fourth line went something like " She sings like a nightingale" ..You should listen to Baabuji dheere chalna.. If your jaw doesnt touch the floor and your eyes remain wide open instead of going into semi meditation, I will renounce the world..Thats what she is all about. When she sings you will forget Worldspace. I mean it.

My fifth line was " She loves to work" ..always on her toes, running around with her tiny feet, she has reached places where ppl can only imagine or dream of.. She is an achiever. Someone who took everything in her stride and never let us feel like we did not have things others had. Material or otherwise. Very strong woman, an idol of sorts..

I wrote those five lines, while the rest of the class wrote stuff like, 'I miss her', 'she takes care of me', 'I can say anything to her', 'she is like my friend'...etc etc...
I wondered, I feel the same things but why could I never write, let alone tell her that I love her??

Maybe because she is annoying at times! Check this out:
Me: hi
Ma:late again..How many times have I told you to come home at six? (trust me, when she looks at you, eyes spitting fury, it seems like she knows what you have been upto, guilt or gut, she does know)

Me: How many times have I told you I cant. I have work. (basket ball and shine )
Ma: I dont know what college this is..blah blah blah...when are you ever gonna realise...some more blah

Phone rings. I walk away with it.
Ma: Pah! This phone also. This house is like a dharamshala for you, you come to sleep and eat. Iam gonna throw that mobile of yours.
Me: no response..

Not anymore..

Now that I dont live with her, I want someone to scold me when I come late, to ask if I have eaten, to wake me up (even if it means ramdev maharaj ka yoga lessons..chalega) ...to just be there.

I love you and care for you. Sorry for behaving like an idiot at times(beti kiski hai), I do miss all those conversations we have had about people, abt places and abt life.. I hate to admit but you do make sense.. Aapki hindi buri nahi hai!! he he
Thanks for everything and most importantly for giving me my name...

Maaa... Aaj Khush tho bahut hoge tum..;) (Amitabh Bachchan style)

"Happy Birthday" ;)...

Where Cocos Dare!

2006-12-13T14:20:00.000+05:30

1:00 AM- Script done. members of grp. 4 heave a sigh of relief! Venue: Richa's Bed

1:30 AM- Gossip and bitching time!! Venue: My bed

Realisation dawns, tired eyes beg for sleep... Head says" woman! go to bed, you need to get up early!" Alarm set for 5, with utmost reluctance. ipod stares, calling out to be heard, I overlook it.
Push ppl outta my abode of dreams and nightmares, read that one msg that makes life beautiful, not once not twice but several times over. Smile at the fact that the someone misses you!! Eyes close..

5.00 AM-Alarm, no, irritaing alarm screams as my ear drum vibrates and I curse...It finally 'dawned' on me that I need to make some noise in order to wake up the others from thier long siesta!
Cut to Jayanagar 4 t block..clad in jackets, two hooded, one with no head no hood (yours truly!) We catch a rick to the bus stop, the dude drives like there is no tomorrow for either of us!
Anyway, Cut to bus stop. Sole bus standing, no sign of civilization. We spot the driver and ask him if the gaadi goes to madiwala, to our surprise he smiles! (Drivers and conductors in Karnataka smiling, that too this early in the morning, is a sign alien to non-natives) The dude says, take 660 c, it will take you directly to bommanahalli.. Our ultimate destination..

Oh by the way, we are on our way to this place called bommanahalli(boms henceforth), as part of our reccee for our docu! (sorry, delayed lead) in search of coconut mandi! coconut water vs aerated drinks being our topic...

So, this smile vala driver drops us off to another bus stop (dint take money from us, three girls going to coconut mandi in the wee hours of the morning is a rare sight! therefore...)To our own surprise, 660 c stops right in front of us! brush with luck...

We get in and first question Bhavu(thats what shriju calls her) asks and the one that only she could have asked" Kitni der lagegi paunchne mein? Thodi der so jao kya?" I nod. We reach. walk walk walk.. I yap on abt christ college and poor kids had no other choice but to listen to my excited and animated version of the pondi trip...as my voice trails and stomach aches..we realise we have come too far, coconut?!

Being inquisitive and lost helps..We ask for directions , as every other person we meet directs us to either the main road or well, to some place that is back of beyond. We take diversion, walk back and turn left.. Coconuts! some more, many more, LOTS!

Too happy with ourselves, like we discovered a new sea route to Venice, we walk faster towards this massive habitation of coconuts.. Bhavu says in her trademark tone "Apun hai na, yahan pe aise shoot karenge"... As the eyes of those innocent coco sellers widen at the word shoot and they tighten their grip over the long weird looking killer weapon that they use to chop coco heads..

We are surrounded by these coco sellers, asking us what we want. "Hum film banane aaye hai" adds Devi.. They all pounce. Multi lingual attack.. We take two steps backwards.. "Hindi a? Kannada?" We say in unison " English." feeling a tad guilty..

My stomach ache returns as my mouth waters, what with so many cocos around! Almost sensing it, the dude asks, "kitna hona?" again we say in chorus "teen,three,muru" Not guilty.. ;)
Free cocos, free cocos! We drink, talk to the dude and walk back with a sense of accompolishment! of what? I have no clue.. Nor do I wanna make sense outta the whole deal.
Somethings are better left like that..

8:00 AM- back to the hostel.. sleep like a log. to get up and blog!
Dream of the docu, hope it comes out well....It better..For we went to some godforsaken place where only cocos dare!!
Apun hai na ab yehi pe shoot karenge!! ;)

DON (t) watch it..

2006-12-01T22:54:00.000+05:30

After a lot of deliberation and hardwork ( getting these girls outta the hostel 'properly clothed and made up' is a task, in a theatre the only light that falls on you is from the screen, and nobody is paying to look at you, I fail to understand the 'getting decked up for the movie' part)..we went to watch DON, well the remake..

So we enter, ads and more ads..I wait for that thing they put, that certificate saying Don (colour).. First scene, damn what was the first scene...hmmm..chunkey pandey and some other half-actor with Shahrukh khan, in a round table conference.. while my friend says 'yaar ye banda door se chunkey pandey lag raha hai', the whole row laughs, not cos of SRK's one liners, but cos of the innocence with which the question was posed!

Well polished furniture, amazing cars, skyscrapers et al.. what else would you expect, it was malaysia or singapore or some such place.. The remake part as far as technology is concerned, they did a brillaint job, using a dvd instead of a diary which holds info abt all the underworld bigwigs was a treat for the eyes..even though we were more often than not, reminded of the Tuxedo and Matrix! Action was pretty good, some dialogues were witty. SRK is a natural humourist so thats that. There was one scene just after khaike paan banaraswala... umm..watch it!

That reminds me, the songs!!! Integral part of Indian cinema.. ye mera dil pyar ka deewana! Kareena Kappoor flaunting all she has.. and she has too much to fit into 70mm..Pathetic, she was all over SRK in a million star hotel, in some golden tunic like thingie... i could hear myself snoring.. Helen and kareena, are you kidding me?! sorry but i just couldn take.. there was one ganapathi bappa song to introduce this other Don (in the original, the original Don dies and this other Amitabh enters) so this 'other' Don is called Vijay(same as my Don) i cant help but see Amitabh all over the screen, unfortunately for me, I remember every piece of clothing on him, so vividly that it hurts!!

Anyway, Khaike paan baraswala sounded like please dont eat paan ever! choreography was terrible, SRK looked like he was milking a cow and then mixing sugar! reverse angle.. oh the disco song which was replacement for main hoon don, is not even worth a mention.. aaj ki raat it seems!

The story was obviously the same, remake ke naam pe dhabba..Amitabh Bachchan cannot be replaced, in a remake or in KBC.. Biased? yes Iam.. if you give me a shoddy painting and say this is modern art when I have seen a masterpiece, I would not even spit on you..why waste it?

I might seem too harsh, but Farhan dint expect this from you, SRK couldn do much, his humour, his timing more like it, steals the show. Boman Irani again doesn dissapoint you, versatility personified. Someboby explain what Isha Koppikar and Priyanka Chopra were trying to do, definitely not acting.. I could actually see the director saying CUT!

So considering my expert advice and wisdom and this unbiased review of sorts I hope none of you would waste your precious hard earned money to go take a beauty nap, or be oblivious of the world in your siesta..
Mr. Bachchan I missed you terribly.. every scene, every sequence, every shot.. I could see, hear, feel only you....

Is Don ko sehna mushkil hi nahin, namumkin hai!!
Till later, DON' (T) watch it...

Man-Kind?!

2006-11-22T00:53:00.000+05:30

Disgusting. Utterly irritating and extremely frustrating. Not very positive sounding words you might think, I agree. Just that the men in my life and otherwise have been behaving like morons, lately. I always thought girls were a complicated lot and boys were comparitively easier to deal with, which is why for most part of my life, I was found playing, laughing, singing, dancing, crying, jumping,howling shouting and every other -ing with them.

After a certain point you just lose it. One of my friends' ex mailed her and asked her to send some of her poems to him so that he can please the present love of his extremely 'precious' life...
What kind of inane insensitivity is this? I mean dont they think before opening their mouth? Anything goes, right? How long will she be taken for granted? Poor girl cried her lungs out for some dash who cares a damn..

Our beloved college (mis) management comes up with innovative ideas to test our patience. They told us to shoot for an ad which we are all not very happy about, nevertheless we obliged. Here is where we had a close encounter of the nth kind with an A grade idiot ( my abusive vocab will not suffice for what I wanna convey) The cameraman, this weird looking half inch dog, took close ups of some of us for the sake of his personal entertainment!

Closer home, the man we thought was an angel turned out to be..well never mind! The reach of the web is too wide for me to talk about this explicitly. I shall just say 'inappropriate behaviour' and put a full stop. Who do you trust? I have no clue.

Some guy who I thought was my best friend, left at a time when I had no one, after something I thought was wonderful. Vague I know, but now thats the way it is , an unclear misty part in my brain, wherever memory is said to reside. Am I to blame? Is he? Or the omnipresent excuse that is fate?!

Last but not the least, one of my very close friends said something that hurt me to an extent I probably will never be able to put in words. More than hurt what I felt was extreme anger, the one fit like fury when all you wanna do is slap the person sitting next to you! Fortunately for my friends they were not around and therefore did not see me in a trance like state!

Am I over reacting? maybe he dint intend to cause damage of this sort,.. why should I defend him? Iam in a way defending myself.. The question is, where do we go from here? Forget it and move on? Like everything else? Let it linger and lose another friend? Doesn even sound worthwhile.. I read somewhere 'dont let a small fight ruin a great friendship' .. Has he not forgiven? What am I to do?

Man-kind? I dont think so. Time to rephrase....

Kya mujhe pyar hai!!

2006-11-08T19:06:00.000+05:30

'Music is the food of life', Shakespeare uncle said once. And its so bloody true. Well, now it goes without saying that I love music.. A song should be melodious to the ear and soothe that small little tiny thingie on the left side of your body. The heart.

Every song brings with it an experience, taking you to a different world, away from deadlines, nagging people, loveless lives. A place in some corner of the world( the world aint round when you are in song mode!!) where you are all alone but it seems like there are many 'yous'! if you get what I mean, it is an immensely complicated situation to explain. You just have to be there to feel it.. pretty close to heaven. It doesn necessarily have to be beethoven's symphony or Mozart's something to give you the AHA effect!

Kabhie Kabhie... I can listen to Kabhi Kabhie all the time! Kinda oxymoronish, but this one is subtle( he he), extremely romantic for a pathetic-kill joy-non romantic person like me.. to top it, its a Bachchan song, and the man's voice is mind-blowing.. Mukesh just adds to the flavour..
And last but not the least, I taught this one to one of my very close friends and he sang it brilliantly.. What say dost?!

Kuch Na Kaho... Iske baare mein kya kahe? RD Burman's last epitome of resonance. The lyrics just pull you inside a small cocoon where all you wanna do is mute yourself...

When you say nothing at all..reminds me of Christ College and all those wonderful people, who understood even before I opened my 'little' mouth, that always desired a mazza!!

Aaj Phir jeene ki tamanna hai.... Beautiful song, beautiful lady, Waheeda Rehman and Lata Mangeshkar-deadly combination. The fact that you wish to live but intend to die both at the same time, only goes to show how haapy you are and content with everything around, its about this moment! The NOW...

Ye jo des hai tera... Cried when I heard it the first time, brain-drain sucks, Rehaman rocks and thats evident in the song. This guy baffles me. He is made for patriotic songs, his raw voice does it for me.

Come to think of it, Ae mere vatan ke logo is another exemplary piece. Kehte hai na rongte khade ho jaate hai. I heard it when I was in the third standard, in the assembly, this bhaiya sang in the most amazing voice ever, and I cried.

Ehsaan tera hoga mujh par.... I wonder what better vocation Mohd. Rafi would have chosen for himself. Just let me stay, just let me be, just let me say that iam in love with you! so lovely, dont you think? I just have to say its beautiful, no synonym for the word will do justice.. On the personal front, this song is for the first and the last 'Boss' in my life...

It's the time to disco... This one just makes me happy! Everytime I listen to it, I just wanna dance no matter where I am.. Memories!!!!

Main Aisa kyun hu.. Created history in the New Indian Express, when one of the interns, ear phones drumming next to the ear drum, sang it so loudly that the head office in Delhi would have heard it! No marks for guessing who this hardly working intern was! Yours truly...

Kya mujhe pyar hai..??? karke tho arse ho gaya! hmmm.. For those who are in love, reaffirms the joy of existing in that strata, for single people, makes you want to be in love, again and again and again... The ultimate!! Current favourite, this song and the singer just sweep me off my feet and all I wanna do is fall! tu meri khwabo mein, jawabo mein sawalo mein...Kudos to the dude who wrote it...

Well, this post comes with the advent of my dearest friend, the i pod! I sleep with it at night so you know the meaning 'dearest' here! reference to the context!! The point is, what makes these songs amazing are the lyrics and the memories associated with each one..Lots more to go.. till then keep singing, people will tell you to shut up, sing even more loudly, they are just jealous of your talent!!! You are a natural.. enjoy!! ;)

To be continued....

VERY ME!

2006-11-01T19:34:00.001+05:30

RULE # 1

No Gods, No Stars

No Icons.....

I Pray, I Believe

I M Inspired.....

Just By My 'SELF'

I ME MYSELF!

Courtesy Ree's jacket tag.. She gave it to me coz she got reminded of me when she read it..
Thanks Ree..

E-n-g-l-i-s-h Phew!

2006-10-30T22:43:00.000+05:30

" English is a funny language, I talk english, walk english, I laugh english!", says Mr. Bachchan in Namak Halal. But I really dont understand the logic, probably cos there is none. Widely spoken, all across the globe, international language, english literature is THE literature. Weird though.
I always thought I knew the language to an extent that I can call myself 'comfortable' with it! Lo and behold! that was not to be.. We have english grammar classes almost everyday ( God is great) for two hours! Post lunch, after an amazing sound editing class, which eye( lids kept open by force and extra kaajal) in the world and which ass on earth would want to 'passively' convert sentences into active voice, is a question that begs for an answer.

Well, Iam invariably in the front bench, under our beloved Sandy ma'am's nose, who painstakingly, in her very resonant voice teaches us phonemes..umm..Phonetics! As her mouth makes an irritating "owa, as in 'world' and 'wow.. We nod in agreement, slowly repeating what she said but simultaneously acknowledging the fact that this is nothing but waste of our precious time, which we would have otherwise spent G talking! Trust me its like doing a crash course in typewriting and english without grammar, making sense alright...

My attention span is one tenth of a second and I have no patience nor the inclination to detect and disect a normal, harmless sentence into its parts of speech. I mean, for what joy?
'She is a beautiful girl' , now 'beautiful' is an adjective, i.e it describes the noun, here the noun is 'girl', for the benefit of those like me who dont know the nuances or intricacies that make this language a force to reckon with. The point is, 'She is a beautiful girl'. Period. I am not gonna say, She- pronoun-is -(?) a-article-beautiful-adjective-girl-noun! Had I been a guy the girl would have consulted a dictionary and I would have landed up in some godforsaken hospital.

I have no idea how I write without any knowledge about the auxiliary verbs, the main clause and its subordinate (Imperialism at its best, what with the main and its subordinate!) The english are a snobbish lot, after all..

To conclude, I fail to comprehend the need for these two hours of continuous brain drain, cos the only activity I actively participate in, is the passing of chits to Ree through other victims of the very same torture. Its like a 'concentration camp' wherein, all u do is sit and look at the white board as the words in circles, which are supposed to be some part of speech (preposition, adverb et al) pole vault over your head. And you wonder do I even belong here? Now, oh ma'am loves 'now', actually its 'nuf' and how is 'huf'! what the hell were thay teaching us is school?

Education system, I tell you!

So nuf I dont know huf to proceed further with my argument. Phew! too much I have written. i wrote too much, wrote is past participle of write! or written is past participle? whatever! Tenses, never mind.. U get what iam sayin?

Moral of the story: Ignorance is bliss! If u can afford it, that is.. English aint my cup of tea!

DAZED

2006-10-27T17:45:00.000+05:30

A song half sung
A light lit dim
An unheard beat
A story begins...

Dawn to dusk
Dusk to dawn
Life is just
Destiny's pawn

Journey of a mule,
burdened back
Hunching past ghosts
in a ghastly, stuffed back

Snap,snap,snap
Sack opens
brewing memories fall
Then, here,now...dazed and lost

Oblivious of the cacophony
Rantling in my head
A constant question
An ignored thought

A call to summon
loud loud noise
Background beckons
tempting voice

I chose to be
I chose not to see
Remain forever
Dazed in glee....

ZILCH

2006-10-04T17:52:00.001+05:30

Its weird. Everything begins and ends with nothing. The question is why do somethings begin if they have to end? We meet so many people in the course of a lifetime, some stick on, some pass by, some are somewhere out there but never forgotten.
One of my 'best' friends left a couple of days back. The dude forgot his phone at home and the only number etched (forcefully, unwillingly) in his memory, other than his of course was\is mine. "iam leaving for good"! yours or mine?!
That was all he said. I could only manage an "OK".. horrible.. fewest words spoken on phone, ever! But the funniest part is I dint feel a thing! should i, shouldn i?! what am i supposed to feel.. something or NOTHING??
We met for lunch. They chatted mercilessly in malayalam. I played with my spoon and plate wondering what the hell am I doing here, unwanted attachment. why was I feeling outta place with my friends of three long eventful years? anyway, we went shopping! thats one thing I dont like indulging in.. Everyone went hopping from one shop to another. Dude takes a huge pile of clothes, anything and everything he managed to find, goes to the trial room, comes out with oversized pants, tries to grab others attention but no one except me comments!
I tell him its too long, he ignores and asks others. I tell myself not to feel bad. But I did feel bad, pathetic actually.. This is the same guy who wouldn even go to the loo without my permission! Well, not really, but he was.. never mind. Finally San walks in like a breather, I am all too happy to see him. Anyway, the dude in question continues to admire himself in the mirror. I tell him "You still are self-obsessed, somethings never change" He gives me this 'whatever' look and goes about his business and I stand there looking at the mirror and the stranger standing in front of me. Nothing between us. Zero.
We, as in, all of us start giving our expert comment on movies and he tells me to watch this mallu flick that casts my favourite actor, I ask without any emotion " oh you remember what i like? I am surprised" He says " I dont forget things" ... conversation with others about how corn is too tasty continues with me standing in the middle of these newly found old people. Have i changed or have they? Or has Nothing changed..
Time to go. I offer to drop him as the rick guy has to pass our dude's place anyway. We go to book his tickets, five minutes, walking in silence towards the college where we first met. Not feeling a thing. Silence is broken:
Dude: How is your brother?
Me:(surprised) he is fine. How is your brother?
Dude: Fine. Busy with studies.
Me: Oh ok.
Inconsequential conversation between two ppl who used to talk for six hours at a stretch, talking bout nothing at all but still having said so much..
We take a rick. The auto guy asks for extra money. Dude looks at me, knowing very well I wont pay a penny more than the meter, "lets go, i will pay the extra amount" . I say another horrible "ok".. In the rick:
Me:So how come u suddenly decided to leave? (you left long back, dint u?)
Dude: Not suddenly, had been planning since three months.
Me: oh ok.. so what plans next? (yeah like he is some education minister!)
Dude: havent thought of it yet.
Me and Dude together: Will come back here only! (laughter, genuine laughter)
Silence again. Twenty minutes pass by.
Dude: Traffic sucks here.
Me:hmm..yeah it has become pretty bad. The bikes and stuff..remember Goa? Bajaj avenger? ( i kick myself for saying that)
Dude: yeah. nice bike.
Me: yeah.
Sittin half feet awayI could feel the distance of a million miles. We were struggling for words to fill our empty namesake dialogue...Back to nothingness..
Rick stops. He gets down. Says bye and walks off. I say, well, nothing.
From the shortest phone call to the longest auto ride which lasted a paltry half an hour, I couldn help rewinding the tapes of memory, washed away by time. There was.. thats the word 'was'! There was nothing, there is nothing. Still there is a void. Unfilled, probably it never will be. We begin and end with one word Zilch Zilch and Zilch.

Oh My God!!

2006-09-24T13:00:00.000+05:30

When I was small I used to imagine going to heaven, but I was told that I need to behave to be able to qualify myself to gain entry into the gates of the gods. I used to think God is this blue coloured dude( ujala vala blue) armed with weapons to kill the demons(asuras) and the only person on earth, I mean, outside earth or wherever he is supposed to exist, allowed to have many wives!! I was like wow! this guy has loads of power..
Every function at home used to mean, new clothes, family and delicacies that will make your mouth water for ages.. But then as I started this very addictive process of thinking, I couldn understand why certain 'things' were done in a certain way. I could never get a convincing answer. I found it very difficult to do something or be part of something I did not believe in, by force or otherwise. My family understands.
Navratri starts today. My friends are fasting. The concept is hard for me to comprehend. Fasting according to naturopathy and so many other things is advisable and should be done at times, but if it is done cos you wanna please god or 'bribe' him to grant your wish, there is no point. Food is important, no two ways bout it. The one meal that you willfully forego can feed a whole family that lives below the poverty line. Why not give it to them, if you are in a position to chose whether or not to eat! They have been fasting from the time they were born. None of them have achieved salvation yet!
In the morning I was told to sing the 'aarti'. I like the tune, the way it sounds but it really doesn make sense to me. I dint wanna hurt P so i went on with the proceedings. I can talk to god whenever I want, pre-bath,post-bath or during! He is probably the only person who knows me in and out.. Thats cos its me. Iam god! Sounds extremely ambitious but true. Another thing P doesn let me do is putting the pen in my mouth..I agree its a bad habit.No, disgusting. She said you shouldn do it cos goddess saraswati exists in the pen! And I thought it was the refill that makes it work.
What exactly is mythology? If myth is the antonym for fact, then why does it have such a strong hold on our minds? Why do we keep going back to it? Why has it become an excuse for us to create pollution in the pretext of diwali? Just because a mythological character returned back to where he belonged we fill our lungs with smoke.. as if cigarettes were'nt enough.
Everything is man-made. Even the concept of God. I believe in Nirguna Nirakara Brahma. God doesn look like Rama or Krishna. God looks like u and me. Actually he looks like nothing. Wht does nothing look like? Is he male or female? (I ve'nt heard anyone saying Oh My Goddess!) Well, this is just another concept. Now that the blue colour dude I used to watch on Tv(too much make up can kill the almighty) is angry with my blasphemous behaviour, looks like Iam not going to heaven! Damn I need to fast.. Oh My God!!

Long time, no post!

2006-09-11T23:02:00.000+05:30

Once upon a time.. i used to post and post and post.. now looks like the post-all dept. is on strike! Weird how life can get so busy that you have to make time to take a deep breath in and breathe out!! who would wanna know what i have been upto? ( other than being upto no good, that is!)..
Nothing much actually. Well, if you insist:

* Got a culture shock a month back

* Found myself in the midst of eight equally weird gals and well, three 'boys'

*Sharing everything from bedrooms to bathrooms

*Getting used to the fact that gals aren that bad after all..

*Gossiping! yuck! what am i turning into?

*Crying away to glory for no apparent reason

*Controlling temper and breaking lose! all in a day's work

*Dealing with proxy response, artificial intelligence sucks!

*Editing to an extent that you end up editing all your grey cells and yourself..

*Malayalam is our national language.. They are like hutch! network follows wherever I go!

*Learning that Alcohol is an important and integral part of journalism!

*Meeting old friends and feeling shit, its been so long! talking bout irritating bosses and incompetent teachers!

*Expecting to see "1 message received" on my not-so-mobile-phone!

*Getting used to the above mentioned statement not happening!

*Missing home sweet home! its toug when your family lives in the backyard and you are just there but not really!

*Finding a confidante in someone i thought i would never get along well with..

*Cursing telepathy and increasing frequency of similar wavelengths.. Indiviuality seizing to exist!

*Watchin chupke chupke! Just like that... Chupke chupke!

*fighting for a cause, as apt as 'there is no salt in my food'! or who took two katorees? why is there no roti left! people, eat with spoons!

*Consoling people and feeling happy that i managed to!

*Dressing up for a page 3 party! Skirts are so not me!

*Telling a guy he is cute! (sigh)

*Feeling extremely happy that someone finally messaged and forgetting the world at the wrong time!

All that and much more. Hostel life aint that easy, but then who said life is?! I am living with the world's most weirdest and sweetest people..a series of ego clashes and temper tantrums ago, i thought I dont belong here! Now i cant think of a place i belong more..now which Idiot was singing 'mohe bhool gaye savariya?!!' Lage raho... (wink)

*P.S Life is like that!!

7 RCR, anyone?!

2006-07-29T18:39:00.000+05:30

I find it really funny! No seriously. The place where I live can not be termed as dangerous (in spite of me) but we have a security guard anyway who during his night ‘duty’ sleeps like there is no tomorrow.. cant blame him! This act of his, almost made him lose this prestigious job, that of guarding seemingly less important people of the entire population. Strict action was taken, a court martial like treatment!

That’s 1st main rd, pai layout! Very much unlike or even remotely close to 7 RCR, Prime Minister’s residence( whatever said and done or not done, he is a VVIP) A part on India’s political map which is supposed to be guarded by personnel that call themselves SPGs ( Special Protection Guards) very special indeed! Enter the Sonata! No its not a sequel of the Bruce lee flick, its just a privileged car. “ I want to meet the Prime Minister”. Sure ma’am! Yeah like the PM is uska padosi, guzar rahe the socha mil lete hai! They almost managed, mind you. Media reports claimed it was a serious security breach, and the PMO did what it is best at, issued statement “ no breach of security”. Another interesting point of the whole deal, the news channels very cleverly got the reaction of the BJP, the opposition party more like it, ekdum exclusive on every channel! The ruling party was in a cabinet meeting, too busy amending RTI bills and the like, you see.. If it was not a security breach why were those kids sent to jail?( two of them working for Air Sahara, grounded a month back, now sacked, no sahara from anyone, just hanging in mid air)

Why were they booked under section 447? Impersonation and trespassing?? They never prosecuted trespassers, oh those are infiltrators, those dudes who sneak in, everything has crossed the Line Of Control.. When our PM himself is not in safe hands, what Nuke-deal are we signing with the statue of liberty that has the power of defending the whole nation? Its so funny.. There is a mole, no two of them in the already very ‘white’ governing body of ours!! You have no idea how exciting politics can get!! Narmada ko bacha na sake, farmers aaj bhi mar rahe hai, khud ko bacha nahi sakte, desh ko kya bachayenge? Its so bloody funny. Jokes apart, its been a long time since i went out with friends, 7 RCR anyone?

Enga Di 'A' ?

2006-07-24T16:08:00.000+05:30

The following conversation took place in three languages, broken english, chinese like tamil but dominated by hindi.. In other words I was in one of my talkative modes. My grandmother…hmmm granny, no dadi..I shall just stick to Paatima, was too lazy to go to school when she was young, they used to run away to the fields and play with the boys( now I know where I got that from!) So cool! I used to think until…

Shift to Comp room.. I am sitting with the orkut home page cursing everyone who is not online and some buggers who are. Answering new age questions like “ Will you do the friendship with me? I am working in MNC, read your very nice profile, sadhana what is your good name?” Now that’s some (S) crap!! Who the hell gave him naukri in a MNC? Wonder if he even knows the full form.. Sometimes I am so tempted to say…never mind I digress.. As soon as I drag the mouse to delete, I see a wrinkled hand going towards the key board, from the corner of my eye.. “Enga di A? ( where is A) I want to write A B C D”.. I look at her ageing but ever so beautiful face and say with an air of authority “ Not now”.. Cos I am monitoring the launch of Discovery you see! She gives me an expression which says “ How rude”…

Me: Sorry ek minute..I disconnect the internet and open Word..
P: Enga di A?
Me: yahan oru daram click pannu.. ( just click once)
P: (Obediently) Hmmm..
She is about to click on S thinking its B, I demonstrate disapproval.. She plays around the keyboard and presses B.. murmuring why these people cant arrange letters in order..
Me: Ah! Good..C enga?
P: I know C..Click
Me: ok D? takes time but gets it right.. This tuition continues successfully till she reaches R which looks like K.. A quizzical frown takes over her lined forehead. As she does ini meanie mina moe.. and gives the benefit of doubt to K..Presses without waiting for a signal..
P: Enaku ellam teriyum! ( I know everything)
Me: Nahi vo galat hai.. one more chance
P: Hmmm…ok.. forces down on R.. rest all till Z correct under my supervision..
Me: Very good. Now phir se ezhudu (write again)
P: ( gazing at me with a shocked look, the triumphant one doing the vanishing act!) “Not Now” she giggles her heart out and walks out..

Like a graduate..satisfied with a sense of achievement…A feeling she managed to manifest in five minutes…It took me several years in school and three years in college to call myself one in the black cloak.. Enga di A?

..And Terror Alone Triumphs..

2006-07-22T12:04:00.000+05:30

“Har musalmaan aathankvadi nahi hota, par har athaankvadi musalmaan kyon hota hai? Jaago Hindustan Jaago.. think about this and spread the message. Hindu Yuvasena Bangalore.” I got this message on my mobile from one of my brother’s friends. I was agitated to an extent I cant explain. I replied “ Stop it. Those who died were not Hindus or Muslims but people of a nation. INDIANS, If u do call yourself educated, behave like one” ..But anger doesn’t help.

Hundreds dead, scores injured, and counting. A week after Mumbai bomb blast, the city is living in fear. Fear of being blown into pieces, fear of losing someone, fear of death, fear of life itself! “Jinko jaana tha vo tho chale gaye, ab hume kisi tarah guzaara karna hoga “says a hapless relative of a victim. Acceptance of brutality of fate or approval of bereavement as a way of life? Be it the floods, the blasts or the maximum city being termed as the rudest, Mumbai has heard and seen all and continues to do so, a la Srinagar..

Butchered and scarred, the city of dreams is turning into a nightmare. Mumbaikars have taken everything in their stride and braved it all. But for how long? Our prime minister addresses the nation and says “we will not kneel down to this terrorist outrage” Kneel down? We are dead and lying. The international community( influence of which is visible in the nomenclature of the tragedy, 7/11 it seems) by way of the G-8 summit condemns the attacks. What else can they do? The elected representatives (well some of them were pseudo-elected, others self-elected), group of 8 of so-called developed and developing countries in an air conditioned room deciding the providence of billions around the world is impotent to say the least.

Seven bombs and countless deaths, yet no questions asked no answers given. Debates after debates, thousand discussions but no conclusion. Blame it on intelligence failure (?) or terrible governance or corrupt bureaucrats there is and never will be any accountability for anything. “war against terror” coined by Bush sounds like just another word game. Country has gone to the dogs, who are biting away the very foundation of civilization. Unfortunately, no vaccine available, other than hoping against hope…

Minority Report

2006-07-11T18:51:00.000+05:30

India is a country with; no sorry, India is a 'developing' country with enormous resources.Her ever- growing economy is proof enough of the vital role she plays in the era of globalization. Sounds like the introductory paragraph of some economics book? Not quite. India is also a country that proudly exhibits the phrase Unity in Diversity, just the phrase.

Malini Das, lecturer in Kolkata, gave birth to a hermaphrodite last week( Times Life!) The eunuchs community wants to take charge of the kid and raise it as one among them...Why? Because in this developing country of ours and a progressing society that we are a part of, the child will not get the respect meted out to a 'normal' person. The question that comes to my mind is who is this normal person? One who is born with appropriate reproductive organs? The appropriate reproductive organs being that of a male? Who decides what is normal? Those whose numbers are infinite, the mighty majority!! And if this majority has a heavy purse with 'any time money' written all over it then thats a catastrophe of sorts!

Mother gives birth to child which is a natural process, the child because of chromosomal play ups, develops both organs that belong to the category of male and female. Now in this whole natural process, what is not right? They are born that way. Like we all are. They breathe the same filthy air, filled with the toxins of a race that is selfish and hypocritical.

While I was reading the article this sunday, I realized how all of us, my immediate family and friends, joke about this category of people. The fact that we have created and marked boundaries in our mind's map of a phenomenon called the Us and Them is shameful to say the least. I have myself played a part in laughing at their expense. The very reason they behave the way they do in trains and weddings and all those ceremonies is because we have ostracized them. They got nothing but a stare that is intimidating and condescending not because of our high intellectual, spiritual or psychological capability, but because of the vanity of belonging to a community that is far superior when it comes to mere numbers.

The whole battle over reservation-SC, ST, OBC, categories that are ironically the majority vs. what is printed in all our application forms as OTHERS is uncalled for. This pseudo-majority(the 'us') eats pizzas instead of sukhi roti and dal chawal(needless to say, 'them') Unity in Diversity or Divide and Rule?

The point is whatever said and done and written, nothing is gonna change. Year after year more children with socially "unacceptable" biological traits are born and will be born, they will again be termed and treated as outcasts, finding their names in the Minority Report. Like someone rightly said " The majority consists of fools!!"

Reservation? Yes, Please!!

2006-06-26T15:28:00.000+05:30

"Aiyo no time to argue.. have to buy ticket also, so if u please let us go, i would be indebted to u for the rest of my poor life!!" Thats an excerpt of the conversation I had with an auto guy in Chennai.. The fact that i let him go alive is proof enough of my extreme tolerance. We, that is my cousin and I, make our way through the crowded path that leads to the entrance of the Chennai Central Station! glad to have finally reached in one piece, it is a big deal considering its me!! So

Step 2 was to buy tickets to Bangalore. Standing in a que, as long as the great wall of china, was hell. What with everyone wanting to go to Bangalore when we decided to, is not a very exciting idea. Luggage in hand, we stand! sounds like some motto of All India Coolies Association, but never mind. We get our tickets with details like 'adults 2' typed on it. I say to myself ha! atleast someone thinks I finally grew up! Step 3 search for platform 11, find, rest your ass on luggage and wait for train. I combined many steps in one, Reducing the therblig, you see!

The Train Arrives..sounds like my first year general english lesson Tar Arrives. Not good memory, just that I loved the chapter so much that I wrote the exam twice.So remember by default. The voluminous cluster of people try their luck in getting into the train, as another bunch tries to exit from the very same so-called "entrance". As we wonder whatever happened to birth control pills and condom ads! A scenario of "hum do hamare Sau" right in front of our eyes.. We let them all pass by and wait for the coast to clear so that we can make our grand entry.

And what a sight! An empty seat, just enough for the two of us to fit in. As we settle down, I look up to thank God for showering his blessings by letting us have a place to sit. Legs!! Yup. three pairs of dirty,unwaxed,hairy legs greet my Garnier face washed crystal clear face, as if god was saying You so wish woman!! Why dont men go to beauty parlours? i swear, i wont think they are gay, there is another word now, metrosexual!! so there! Welcome to the Unreserved compartment of Brindavan Express! I let myself digest all this and console poor me by saying, think about those who dint find a place to sit and that home is just a few hours away..

Hmmm..Blue saree, bejewelled from top to bottom, beautiful eyes smacked with kajal, an unforgettable face. This lady politely asks the old man and his wife to make space for her daughter and her as she sat right opposite me, I couldnt help but admire her beauty. Enter the guy with blood shot eyes..Red was never my favourite clour, more so now! Inebriated to the t! He asks the people upstairs if there is place to lie down.. are u kidding me? We are trying to fit our asses in here and this one wants to lie down? baap ka maal hai kya?

His question cum request is rightfully rejected and he lies down opposite our seat, under it..Gross. The train finally starts.I gaze outta the window as the old lady next to me gives me her radiant toothless smile, the ont that means lets talk. I oblige. We talk and my eyes move towards the man under the seat as he makes his private parts public! yucK! disgusting, i wanted to run. Then i thought why should i, he is as unreseved as iam and he is totally disgusting to top it.. I tell the damsel (no exaggeration, she was beautiful) to do something about it. She tells him to clear the area! phew! Good riddance to disgusting rubbish...

Then i go off to sleep and miss the entry of this hot guy in red shirt..did i say i never liked the colour?? It was like missing the beginning of an awesome Bachchan movie..But that doesn discourage me from watching the rest of the flick so i start the drooling session.I look, he looks. I feel happy that he dint notice i was looking.Once we were on deuce but the it was Advantage Saddy!! That was the only "not-so-comic-but-extremely-romantic-relief" in the whole plot. We finally reach our destination. I tell myself iam never ever travelling in an Unreserved compartment ever again.

No wonder everyone is fighting for reservation, well in trains Yes please! Iam gonna do a serious change in track ' records', next time around!!

Where Is My Muse?

2006-04-17T18:25:00.001+05:30

The starry sky,
sober moonlight.
I start to write
An ode to the night..

Mind barren, infertile and vast
Hands stop, fingers move.
only to scratch
An unwritten past.

Eyes closed, I pose.
Images flow, of people, of places..
Where is my muse?
In broken chords, in incomplete phrases?

Dilapidated lines
call out my name.
What have you made of us?
We stand, defamed!

Snapshots of memories
Distantly near.
Lost between time and space,
My muse, so unclear.

Mortality of men
Or futility of life?
Dawn of a new day
Or end of a strife?

Where is my muse?
Lost in God's vanity
Flying with clipped wings
My insane sanity!
WHERE IS MY MUSE??!

My first poem of the year after a long time of drought in my head! phew! Where the hell is my muse ??

Bring me to life..

2006-04-11T17:30:00.001+05:30

Something that is more fascinating than life, something that is intriguing, something which signifies the end for some, beginning for others, liberation for some, binding for others. Something that made me realise the purpose of life. DEATH....

"Please dont cry. I am so sorry" a dialogue i rehearsed in my head, as I got ready to face my cousin whose Appa passed away two days back. He was my uncle. These words seemed so lame to me as soon as i uttered them. I dreaded meeting her, what was I supposed to say? Sorry?? for what??

When I saw her surrounded by all her friends, she turned. I smiled. Words wont come out. I hugged, she cried. I did not. She wouldn leave me. I dint wanna. She held my hand. I took her out. All in silence. We were alone now. I said I love you. She cried. I did not.
They brought the body.

Body? the heart not beating... soul still alive. Now and forever. It was sealed with some number followed by NON MLC- BRAHMIN.. Ya right!

The son was told to pour water on himself and chant some mantras which the vadhyar(pandit) recited for a living, the son repeated like a parrot, cursing God inside his head. I stood there in the midst of familiar unknown faces. It was time to light the lamp. "where is east? " Everyone blinked. What the hell is in the east? sun rises!! will he wake up to see it?

Chanting continues as more people enter. Someone calls me. "Put three spoons of water in his mouth" . I dont know how I got the courage to do that. Numb as ever I went. Someone held his mouth as I thought, I wish I could give you a glass of this, but they wont let me.
He smiled.

The son was told to keep his father's head on his lap and say something in his ear to the effect of "I will take care of mother and sister" .......rest was too complicated for me to interpret. Some elder asked "aayacha?" (meaning, is it over?) Vadhyar nodded. Was'nt it over long back??
They wrapped the 'body'. She said "sadhana appava kondupo vendam sollu, please sadhana" (tell them not take appa). She cried. I did not.

We watched the ambulance go past us, taking something precious away. We followed the crowd of mourning relatives and some other people who had come to give attendance, as they explained why others couldn make it, citing reasons inapt and unnecessary. She walked next to me, but miles away, talkin to her appa.

And at that moment i realised what a fool i had been!

I was chasing some dream i did not need, i was running away from myself and others for something i presumed was mine. Life was apparently being unfair to me! Reality hit hard.
I collected myself, I took her hand in mine as my mind rebelled against my heart. I told myself, my life is so full, I have so much more to share. I left her at her doorstep, "Take care. I will come at night.Eat something", was all i could manage. She smiled for the first time. I did not.

He had to die to bring me back to reality. To what I have. To what I really need. To my duties, my responsibilities, my family,my friends. He had to die to bring me back to life. To me.
I cried.

Room No. 109...

2006-03-22T17:18:00.000+05:30

"Father i wanna do journalism... only in Christ and nowhere else".. Father gives me his ever famous dont- you -know- who -you -are- talking -to look.. I take a step backwards. Still determined to change his mind.. His penetrating eyes look into my application form as i hit myself once more for that screwed up hand writing. He frowns " Mount carmel is a good college". I reluctantly agree, " yes father but too many girls". i say with all the innocence i could manage to find!

And the rest is history! no sorry, Psychology! wink

That was my passport to enter JPEng room no. 109, my home-to-be for three years. How do i sum it up in a few words? ( i suck at maths ) where do i begin from, gosh i always had a starting problem!

Naresh Sir.. a complete man (no he doesn wear raymond) Walking encyclopedia and someone i have grown to love, adore, respect and admire. Never seen someone so humble and down to earth, never mind his height!! ya, whatever!

Anu.. My best friend! so similar yet different! from drooling over guys to bitching about them, from KFC to shine, from poetry to lovelorn songs, from being a rebel to losing control( you know what i mean) we have done it all! Sobbing together opposite the island cos apparently life was being a bitch! eating frankie and naming the drooling dog you know what! Shit! cant believe its all over. thanks for being there. love ya woman! We shall die together! Crazy Nuts

Boms.. Bald and the Handsome! every thing suits you dude. You are awesome. Were always there whenever i needed a boulder to cry on!! Saale sudhar ja.. Will never forget how we used to plan and irritate people! partners in crime!! Thanks for just being there.

Shashank.. Its the time to disco!! our first movie together and the rest is tragedy!! he he every minute spent with you was hmm.. umm... like a rollercoaster ride! We hold the record for maximum number of battles fought, won and lost!! But the point is we are still going strong... So what if we cant play cards?? we can get the rebound and shoot a three pointer all at the same time! apun dono dost! sorry for the crap and thanks for being there when you were not needed! he he

Snehu.. Birds of the same feather flock together.. or was it casablanca! Sorry for ruining Dc team! i was the 'DUMB' part of the game! whole lot of fun! lot of gadbad, some loose connections some disformed ideas some assumptions but at the end of the day we are part of the same team!! so wont miss you he he

Jena.. mad or what! i have a whole post dedicated to you, not writing anymore! you taught me the biggest lesson of my life. Thanks for everything.i owe you a lot, most of all an apology. forgetting you would be instant death! aha big words for someone who is already self obsessed! love ya.

Many more to go.. too overwhelmed with emotion. I thought i wouldn miss college but look at me! Cant tell you guys how much you mean to me! lack of words sorry! poor vocab!
Last but not the least thanks to Fr. V without whose patience and tolerance "WE" wouldn have been possible!! So lucky to have met you all, had no choice actually.

You taught me that its really not 'a friend in need is a friend indeed' a friend in greed would be more like it!!

Three years.....
Laughter
Love
Heart Breaks
Leg Breaks
Movies
RAng de..
Basket Ball
Cricket ( the opposition had NO BALLS to face defeat, so we did!! )
Shine ( Cheta oru chaya)
Cultural analysis ( zzzzzzzzz...zzzz ik choti si long story)
Jasmines and Marigolds ( what the....)
Ass you like it....
Brave macbethththt
NCC and RD
Subramaniam
Kiosk cheta
book shop uncle
post-modernism ( mr. anil pinto rocks)
oh my mazza!
BU results! ( this shall never pass)
Class trip ?
Again love
Again heart break
but still hoping for the best.......
Thats the spirit of being a christite! so march on!!

PS: did you know the frequently asked question in christ college campus is Wassup? you know why? with heads held high..... sorry sad joke .. and heart so strong!!

hey next class in room no. 109! we so wish!

Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding...

2006-02-25T17:27:00.000+05:30

College day came and went. Dint realise it would get over so fast. i danced i danced !! Cant thank San enough for bringing us all together. Rang de basanti to lose control, man what an awesome journey and check out the overwhelming response. "can i make a suggestion?", " We can do like, one more time", "i wanna dance for Ari Ari" all this and more. San would shout and scream at the top of his voice " people shut up, you girls talk too much" how much time does it take to put steps for lose control?" And how much time did you guys take for ari ari?? saala faltu mein chillata hai!

Oh those addayein for kajrare, i had to practice in front of the mirror in my loo some thousand times to be able to get that so called prostituty look. But it was fun. Though i was told to behave myself several times by our beloved choreographer even though it was never my mistake( not always, come on man!) People told me i dance like a guy!! Its so much easier, trust me! just bite your lower lip and shake your head, thats all. On the final day, frankly speaking i was shit scared. Group hugs were doing the rounds backstage. Prayers, "all the best", have fun and all those words in the background just bounced off my head, but got registered somewhere. As soon as our team name was announced, i sensed a weird 'sensation' in my stomach, gulp!!
my throat was dry.

Its dark. I wait for Danny to enter from the other side, she is waiting for me!! oh god! Someone pushed me and i obediently walked on stage. Smoke and darkness. Ding ding ding ding ding ding... After that i dont remember a thing. Crowd went crazy.. They were howling, i was like screw everything. even if i make a mistake iam not gonna stop for anything in the world!! What enjoyment, what fun. seriously i had the time of my life. we got a standing ovation! can you beat that? Post-performance, group hugs, " you guys rocked". "you looked so cute on stage", " you guys are the best"! All the hard work paid off. Then we started getting offers to perform on different occassions and even if we dint we invited ourslves to perform. All for the love of dance.

For me it was a dream come true to dance in college before i leave. A cherished memory. My dance team rocks! Thanks guys. Wish we had done this earlier.

Oh i danced for Ari Ari finally! And also with my very good friend who loves dancing as much as i do but would never come for practice sessions!! At the end of it all, i wish for more. just some more time.... Imagine hours and hours of practice for a seven minute sexy performance which rocks the crowd and gets them on their feet, what more can we ask for? I started with a colourful-all-is-well song, went on to become a sexed up prostitute(slut is the word), became a rebel!! all in one go. Aha! experience. Good josh people.

My dil goes hmm....

2006-01-26T20:26:00.000+05:30

Stub on his chin, shirt tucked in, smile on his lips and life in his eyes... and boy! I stop, stand and stare.. oblivious of everyone and everything around me. My eyes search him, my feet freeze. Time stops.. He opens his mouth to say something, not to me, to someone else and for that moment i wanna be that person and every other person he talks to.. Its amazing how life can be a bitch at times. when something is right in front of you, you cant see it, when it vanishes, thats when you realise what you have lost.. how incredibly irritating would that be??
He holds my hand, i lose myself. He looks at me and i think God! if looks could kill i would be six feet under!! Love a? No da. Its just a phase that iam going through! Wink

Love is not a red rose, candle light dinner, a long walk on the beach side early in the morning( are you kidding me, who the f will get up so early?) its not a saga of oh! iam yours and you are mine, body, mind and soul! ( boring boring..)

Love is when you are blabbering your ass off, without a care in the world about the listener's tolerance level, when every stupid song you listen to suddenly makes sense ( those stupid rap numbers and remixes included).. when all you want from him is to call your name and say " take care of my books".. my heart hops, skips and jumps everytime he says "you look nice"..
Aiyo! i love him.. He shoots a sexy basket. i clap till my hands go blood red( more often than not its an oh-finally-he-managed-to-get-that-one clap) He turns, smiles and winks!! my dil goes hmmmm...... and i do a la la la la

but there is a flip side.. i tell him you are awesome he says, this love has taken its toll on me, you said goodbye too many times before.. Guilty as charged i stand. head down but heart full.
yes iam mad.. If love isnt madness, it aint love!! profound thought.. not mine of course, iam too pre occupied with you know what duh!!

Its so cool to just be happy and float in this feeling and wish for it to last forever.. he he ya right, aur koi kaam nahi hai kya?? trust me thats how it is. like a see saw, up once and down again! Life is a game after all, isnt it!?

Happy Birthday Rahul!!

2006-01-11T18:34:00.000+05:30

I love this guy. i really do. He turns 33 today. phew!! The first time i saw him play was in 1996, i remember, i was small ( like i am big now!) and pretty ( goes without saying) that cover drive with the full face of the bat! four runs and i was waiting to see the dude, cursing the cameramen who never show what i wanna see but just the repeated highlights of the ball going to the boundary! now tats door darshan for you in star sports!! And finally that tiny head (with loads of grey matter, mind you) and an extremely well groomed, decent looking lad, who had i-am-nothing-but-a-nice-guy written all over the Wall... and there i go!! i wouldn call it a crush and make it sound like just one of my numerous drool episodes, this was the ultimate.. i love it jus love it, when we beat the English in their own backyard, still chanting, Simon go back!!
Trust me nothing gives me a high, than watching those who ruled over us for 200 f ing years, lose in their own game!! and he scores a century on debut.

I can go on and on about him and never stop ever. but its not only love, but also respect. I did not fall for him because he was or rather is 'cute' but because he has extraordinary patience and exemplary talent and most importantly a firm head on his shoulders. you might say what about sachin tendulkar?? i like him too, have always, will always, considering he plays with the heaviest bat in the world and manages to create and break records in a span of a blinking second is a feat in itself. his shots are handsome and he is humble to the core.

But this post is dedicated to the man who stuck to the book, literally!! never losing hope ever. dropped out of the one day team, who is the captain now??!! howzzat??!!

Happy Birthday Rahul! For the world you might be the Wall, but for me YOU ROCK!!

Say Cheeeeese!!!

2006-01-11T18:15:00.000+05:30

Click!! And there goes our Snap!! should i call myself over ambitious or simply outta my mind?? SNAP test man!! why cant they just let us get into Symbi? i know choti choti aankhein aur bade bade sapne.. forty da forty. che sharam aani chahiye. Armed with a pen which i rhought was mightier than the sword and my unprepared little brain, i went with all the guts in the world to write a national exam and not to mention the undeniable hope to clear it! what the... f was i thinking??

you know what, i used to always hate my snaps when they used to get 'developed' (atleast somewhere) now i know why!! pun intended.. i wanna get into symbi!!
never mind.. i should have just listened to my bro when he said just get married!!!
ya right! send me a snap of the dude first and see what negative markin i give! bloody!!
You dont have to be in Symbiosis Institute Of mass communication to be able to give Negative marks. screw you screw you. wish i could tell the people ibn symbi what they have lost!!!
but winners never quit and quiterrs never win!! someday the world will see in the newspaper, my SNAP!!! wait and watch! ha

So Finally!!

2005-12-13T17:46:00.000+05:30

After a lot of deliberation and a world of unretraceable thought, i finally have a blog of my own!!! YE YE.. Dont know why iam super excited.Its just that when nothing is happening, you should just make things happen. And look at me now. Iam dyslexic.I could never get the funda of blogging.I mean, why would anyone want to write stuff about themselves and their lives and hope for people to read their crap and on top of that give their ever so valuable comments?? How jobless! Not really.

I dont know about others but for me blogging is like trying a new flavour of ice cream!! Now i really dont know how it is connected but like i said (oh actually i dint)this blog is gonna be extremely weird, considering the person who is writing it. And for all dimwits, that person is me.. In other words, iam short and cho chweet!! Short for others (i really dont think iam short, iam not that tall!) but i do think iam really sweet,cute,pretty,smart,awesome, out-of-the-world et al. Modesty sucks. Seriously. And iam also dyslexic as you would have figured out by now. so thats it for now. I need to undyslexify myself and then... there i go again!! oh ya! let me tell you about my 'life is like that' thingy. Actually i tried a whole lot of Helen looking (means beautiful, just coined it, told you i was talented) words and phrases, to my utter dismay and for the benefit of my poor memory it dint work. Kya kare? Life is like that!!